Everything Desperately
by courage
Summary: Tale's of life are never easily told. Complications become conflicts and conflicts become a soul's trial. But every so often a soul, battered by life's complications, will take a chance and for the first time find out what life can really be like. RS comp
1. Regrettable Change

CHAPTER I

Regrettable Change

It was late into the evening when her train rolled into the station. Stepping down from the platform Rinoa immediately smelt the all too familiar scent of Balamb's ocean breeze. Uncontrolled memories suddenly floated through her mind, causing a painful cringe to trickle down from her throat all the way to her heart.

She was back in Balamb, back where so many memories manifested. Rinoa Heartilly was regrettably back to where it all started.

With nervous hands Rinoa picked up her suitcase and started to haul it out of the train station.

For the most part Balamb had not changed in the past three years. There was the same shops, same restaurants, same Inn, everything about Balamb felt the same way it did the day she left it. However, there was one thing that had changed. One thing that might have been insignificant to anyone else, but to Rinoa was a monumental difference.

Ma Dinct's home no longer rested in it's nook on the edge of town. Delicious smells of home cooked dinners no longer drifted into the street. Replacing the little home was a bar called 'Booya's' and a rowdy place it seemed.

Where the rest of the town laid calm and tranquil in the late hour, Booya's was obnoxious. Music and laughter echoed along what would have been a quiet street.

Watching the glow of flashing lights and listening to drunken men's laughter made something inside of Rinoa snap.

It had been three years since Rinoa had watched Ma Dinct slave over her hot stove, three years since her taste buds received the pleasure of tasting one of Ma Dinct's home cooked meals. It had been three years since a lot of things, and seeing that bar, loudly destroying all those things that she held so dear to her heart for all those years. It burned her.

Rinoa knew that she probably no longer had the right to care, but the right to know...Rinoa thought that was still in her cards. Straightening her cream tank top and running a hand through her raven hair, Rinoa stormed into the bar to find some answers.

Booya's didn't carry the same charm that the rest of the town did. It was dark, barely enough light to even make out the person in front of you, let alone trying to check out the whole bar. The only thing that allowed light into the room were the one's flashing lights that came from the stage in front of the bar.

Pushing her way through the crowd Rinoa found the bar counter. Feeling around she eventually found an empty stool, setting her suitcase down on the floor Rinoa took a seat.

With her eyes drifting over to the stage Rinoa watched the entertainer that was performing. It was a young woman; even from afar you could tell that she was beautiful. Her long, straight blond hair glistened from the stage; the strapless crimson dress that she was wearing flattered her curved body. All the men in the room were drooling over the woman who was singing angelically to them. Rinoa could find no reason to blame them, even to her the women was captivating.

Listening enviously to the women's song, Rinoa didn't even turn around when the bartender asked if she wanted a drink.

"Ah...just water," she answered, Rinoa's eyes were focused as the women danced off the stage and into the crowd. A spotlight honed in on her, as she gracefully made her way through the mass. She stopped at one of the front tables, where the blond bombshell started to sing seductively to one man.

Straining her eyes Rinoa tried to make out what the man she was singing to look like, when the bartender came back with her glass of water. Taking the glass Rinoa asked him.

"What's the name of the singer?"

"That's Macy Zimmer," the bartender told her; a stupid grin was spread across his face. "All the fellows love Macy, whenever she is scheduled to perform it's always good for business."

The bartender need not tell her that, every man in the bar was entranced. Especially the man in front, whom Macy was still singing to.

"Who's that man?" Rinoa asked the bartender curiously. "Macy seems to like him."

"You defiantly must be new in town," the man said giving her a queer look. "That lucky man is Squall Leonhart."

"Sq...Squall Leonhart," Rinoa repeated in disbelief.

"The hero of the second Sorceress War himself. He comes to he bar a lot, he's good's friends with the owner."

"And who's the owner?" Rinoa questioned, finally turning around and giving the bartender her full attention.

"Zell Dinct, it was his mother's place, but she passed away about a year ago. Good old Zell didn't need a home since he lives up at the Garden, so naturally he turned this place into a bar"

Rinoa was completely stunned, when she had first planned to come to Balamb this was not was she had anticipated.

"I'm sorry miss, did you mention where you're from?" The bartender asked her curiously.

Ignoring his question Rinoa asked her own. "You said Squall Leonhart comes here often, does he come alone or what?"

"Um, Mr. Leonhart is a bit unpredictable. Sometimes he comes with all his friends, sometimes with just his buddies. Though lately, he's been coming a lot on his own. I've heard rumors that he and Macy are intimate. But then again it's only a rumor; you can only take those for what there worth."

All Rinoa could do was nod absent mindedly; even after three years what the bartender was telling her was a little hard to take.

"Anyways," the bartender went on "If anyone deserves Miss Zimmer's affection, it's Squall Leonhart. You heard everything that went on between him and Rinoa Heartilly didn't you?"

"I've heard the rumors," Rinoa said bitterly, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Well I know there were a lot of rumors, but from my sources I know this much is true," looking around the bartender made sure no one was listening in before he began to tell her his story. "Mr. Leonhart and Miss Heartilly were both part of the group that saved the world. I'm sure you know that. Well the two of them soon after started to date, a whole year had followed and by outer appearances everything was well. The world was peaceful, the Garden was running smoothly and Mr. Leonhart was head over heals in love," hearing that Rinoa swore softly to herself, then listened intently as the bartender continued on. "Then one unexpected day Miss Heartilly left him, no reason was given, it was just one day her bags were packed and she was gone."

"You make her sound horrid," Rinoa said, she couldn't help but be sound defensive. "You don't know her side of the story, like her said yourself, you don't know her reasons."

"That may be true," the bartender said to her nodding "But I know this, when Miss Heartilly left she left Squall broken hearted. I've watched him closely over the years and it's been a long time since I've seen him as happy as he looks now." The Bartender looked back up towards the stage, Macy's show was now over, the lights were now all back on and for the first time that night Rinoa got a clear view of Squall. He was talking to Macy; the two looked to be completely engaged with each other. His eyes were burning into hers, the way that they use to burn into her own.

Not able to look anymore Rinoa suddenly stood up. The bartender looked at her surprised.

"Is everything alright Miss?"

"I have to go," she told him curtly. Quickly grabbing her suitcase Rinoa turned to leave, when her body unexpectedly collided with someone else's. Rinoa stared up at the person she ran into. There gaping down on her in utter shock was Quistis Trepe.

Before any words could be exchanged Rinoa pushed away from her one time comrade and ran as fast as she could out of the bar.

From behind her she could hear Quistis call out her name, but she didn't dare turn around. From the beginning that was the only way she was able to move forward.

* * *

She had only caught a glimpse of the girl before she fled the bar. It was only one look, but with that single glance Quistis was absolutely positive that the girl was Rinoa Heartilly. There was no doubt in her mind.

From there instinct simply took over. Quistis called after her, but when Rinoa didn't turn around Quistis chased after her. Outside the bar she called Rinoa's name again, but still she ran. Down the street and into the night Rinoa went. Quistis chased her until the raven haired girl became out of sight.

Defeated Quistis trudged back to the bar, trying to make sense of what just happened.

Three years ago Rinoa left Squall, she left the Garden, she left them all. Squall never gave anyone a reason for her departure, Quistis didn't even know if he had one. It took such a long time for Squall to adjust, and with Squall it took longer then it would with most. Now he was doing alright, but there were still days when you looked into his steal blue eyes that you could tell...that for him the pain just never goes away.

Going back to the bar Quistis went to join her friends. She found Selphie was the only one at the table; the lively girl was looking at her curiously as Quistis sat down.

"What took you so long?" She asked "You don't even have the drinks."

Quistis gave Selphie a hard look. Over the years a lot of things had changed between the six heroes of the second Sorceress's War.

Irvine had transferred to Balamb Garden where he easily earned his SeeD verification and later his own instructor license. He was currently the weapons counselor at the Garden.

Zell remained a SeeD until his mother passed away a year ago. For a long time he was a grief stricken man. He walked with no purpose or desire, two characteristics that would normally walk hand-in-hand with the martial arts expert. Then, out of no where, Zell hit an epiphany in his life. He decided to turn his mother's home into a bar. From that point on Zell regained the charisma and passion that they all loved about him.

For Selphie, shortly after the Sorceress War, she resigned from being an active SeeD. Instead she created the position of Garden Event Organizer, which the energetic girl described as the 'best job ever.'

Even Quistis had gone through her own set of changes. She reissued her instructor license, but once again transferred back to being simply a SeeD. She couldn't deny that being on the field was where she was meant to be.

For all of them a lot had changed professionally and personally, but pass all the time and through all the change one thing had stayed exactly the came. Selphie still loved to gossip.

"Nothing," she told her friend at last.

"You're lying," Selphie quickly responded, that girl never missed a beat.

Quistis would have defended herself hadn't Irvine and Zell rejoined them at that moment. Immediately Selphie complained to her cowboy playfully.

"Irvine, Quistis is keeping secrets from me."

"Now that isn't nice darling," Irvine said turning to her.

"Well it's not like I don't have my reasons," Quistis told them defensively.

"Care to share what your reasons are then?" Zell asked his left eyebrow rose curiously.

"Not at the moment," she told her friends firmly.

Knowing that it was a dead end, Selphie changed the subject. "Hey guys, what do you think of Squall and Macy? They have been spending an awful lot of time together."

"Hey Selph, for once could you stay out of other people's business?" Zell asked teasingly.

With her head held high Selphie told him indignantly. "It goes against my better nature."

Quistis, Zell and Irvine gave each other quick glances before giving their friend slight nods. Selphie simply smiled proudly.

"Speaking of Squall," Quistis spoke up before anyone could change the subject. "Does anyone know where he is?"

The four of them looked around the room, when nobody's eye caught what they were searching for they all landed back on her.

"He's probably with Macy," Selphie said, making sure she emphasized each word.

With a deep sigh Quistis nodded, an anxious feeling had suddenly sprung into her heart.

Nobody wanted Squall to move on from Rinoa more then Quistis did, nobody wanted Squall to be happy more then her. If being with Macy made Squall, basically feel again, then Quistis could live with that, but upon seeing Rinoa again...it made her start to think about the whole situation differently.

All these years Quistis had thought Rinoa as the heart breaker, as the villain that destroyed Squall's soul, but when she saw her one time comrade, even for just that brief moment. Suddenly a whole new thought occurred to her...What if Squall wasn't the only victim, what his wasn't the only heart that was broken.

With all these new thoughts and theories a question that burned inside of her had suddenly resurfaced for the first time in three years. A question that left everything else inside of her clouded.

"What happened three years ago that ever made the two break up?"

AUTHORS NOTE: Well this is my first strictly Squall and Rinoa story in quite awhile. I think I spent a lot of time with this story and I hope it shows. As always I hope all is well.

Sincerely,

Leah


	2. Confronting Shadows

CHAPTER II

Confronting Shadows

Her past has always been her shadow; it has always followed her wherever she went. Rinoa along time ago settled with the fact that her past was never going to leave her alone, but never did she imagine that it would stab her in the heart.

Seeing Squall again was a blow that left her breathless. From the moment that she had met him Squall had left his mark on her heart, one that no amount of time could erase. Now that mark was burning and there was not a damn thing that she could do to put it out.

Quistis had seen her; Quistis knew she was in town. It wouldn't be long before Squall knew too, and everyone would discover the cowering mouse that she had become. And whatever life she had savaged would be once again destroyed.

Checking into the Balamb hotel room, like she should have done in the first place, Rinoa collapsed into the uncomfortable bed. Lying on the firm mattress she felt the cold of the metal rings around her neck bounce against her chest. Sitting up Rinoa grasped the two rings in her hand and stared at them fixedly.

It was so long ago that Zell had given her Squall's ring; it had been so long since she slipped it onto her necklace where it rested with her mother's.

Staring bitterly at the two rings Rinoa thought back to the time Squall had at last told her the story that went behind the ring.

It had been several months after they had defeated Ultimicia....

Returning home from meetings in Trabia, she and Squall had decided to take a walk together along the Balamb coast. A perfect breeze brushed against their faces as they traveled along the coast line. Their feet buried in the sand with each step and the ocean's waves swept against their bare ankles.

The two stopped simultaneously in the middle of the beach. Rinoa had turned her gaze away from the endless ocean to stare up at Squall; his eyes were burning into her eyes until they started to drift down to her chest.

Offended Rinoa slapped him in the arm. "Squall," she yelled, he looked back up at her confused. When he caught on what she was accusing him of he quickly apologized.

"I wasn't doing that. I was just looking at the rings," Sighing heavily he returned his gaze to the two circles of metal. "Have I ever told you about that ring?"

"No," Rinoa answered, she found herself staring at him intently.

"Well there's really not much to it," he went in taking the ring and holding it between his calloused fingers. "I just thought it was a cool ring."

"You're kidding right?"

Squall shook his head.

"You mean there's nothing more to it?" Rinoa asked him astonished, she had spent so many nights staring at the ring, pondering it's meaning...and all it was in the end was a gift shop trinket?

"At the time it didn't mean a thing, but now..." Squall grasped the ring in his fist. "Now it means the world."

"And why is that?" She asked him earnestly.

Letting go of the ring he let it bounce back against her chest and then he whispered to her. "Because it was given to the only person that means the world to me."

Shaking her head violently, Rinoa tried to erase the memory. It was another shadow of her past, one that she could no longer bare to carry.

Then, during the midst of her burdened thoughts, a raspy voice started to echo inside her head. Immediately Rinoa froze in her place, she had heard the voice before.

Jumping up from the bed Rinoa dashed out of the room, she had to take care of this before it became too late.

_'Mr. Leonhart, Ms. Trepe is here to see you.'_

Pressing down the button for his secretary, Squall replied in the intercom. "Send her in."

Setting down the papers he was filling out Squall sat up in his chair and waited for Quistis to come in.

When she entered the room Squall took notice that Quistis wasn't dressed in her usual professional manner. Her hair wasn't wrapped in a tight bun, but rather down with random hair sticking up all over. She wasn't in uniform or her battle cloths either, which was the only entire that Squall had ever seen her in, but in just plain jeans and a t-shirt. However, the most striking difference in Quistis appearance was the dark begs that rested under her tired eyes.

Letting her take a seat across form his mahogany desk Squall asked her. "Is everything alright Quistis?"

Rubbing her eyes she told him "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh," he said quietly, not quite sure what that had to do with her sitting there. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Staring up ay him Quistis looked intently into his eyes as of she was searching for something, or seeing if he was ready for something that Quistis wasn't quiet sure of.

"Ah, Quistis are you sure everything is alright?" Squall asked again, he was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Squall if I ask you something will you promise not to get upset?"

With scrutinizing eyes Squall told her. "You know that I don't make promises like that Quistis."

"I know, and believe me this is the last thing in the world that I want to bring up, but it's just been on my mind a lot lately and can't stop thinking about it."

"Well Quistis, not to be a bastard or anything, but if you think it might upset me it's probably best not to ask me," he told her honestly.

"Squall please; it can be a quick answer."

There had been so much good that had happened over the years, his short sidedness hadn't blinded him from that, he had grown so much. Still whenever matters of his pass came up Squall simply didn't want to talk about it.

"Quistis, I don't want to hear it," he told her curtly.

"Please Squall, I need to know."

"And why is that my problem!" He snapped at her. Immediately he wished he hadn't.

For so many years Squall had made sure that everything that went on around him wasn't his problem. He tried endlessly to make it appear as if he didn't care. And no matter how hard he tried to fight it; no matter the extent he tried to avoid it. In the end Squall did care.

"I'm sorry Quistis," he immediately apologized. "Old habits die hard."

"It's alright Squall," she said soothingly. "You've done so well over the past few years, everyone's proud of you."

Snorting in disbelief Squall looked at Quistis. Slowly he started to ask her.

"So...what do you want to know?"

"Squall," Squall watched for a moment as she gained her confidence. "Squall I want to know why you and Rinoa broke up?"

All he could do was sit there silently.

"Squall, I know it's painful for you, but maybe if"-

"No, you don't know," he cut her off. His voice was curt and quiet. "You don't have a god damn idea."

"Well Squall, maybe if you were talk about it with me, I might start to get one," Quistis uncharacteristically snapped.

"It's none of your business Quistis," he said sharply.

"Your right Squall, you would never let it be."

Angrily Squall stood up, his hand was pointing towards the door. "I believe you were leaving," he said coldly.

"I suppose I was," Quistis said, standing up. She was at the door when she turned back around. "You know Squall, we all have our own demons that we have to fight...you're just the only one who chooses to fight them alone." With that note Quistis stormed out of the room, shutting the door roughly in her wake.

Frustrated Squall collapsed back into his seat. Dozens of emotions were swirling inside of him, where they began to choke him so hard that Squall didn't know how he should feel.

Why the hell did she want to know about Rinoa in the first place? Why now, why did a disgruntled Quistis come into his office, asking him questions about the one thing that she knew he couldn't talk about?

Slamming his fist on his desk Squall swore. He tried t so hard to forget about Rinoa Heartilly, it took him so long to push away her memory from his mind. He had moved on, buried himself in work, friends, he even allowed a new love interest to enter into his life, but nothing was ever enough. Nothing ever made Rinoa Heartilly go away.

Against his own will, Squall opened his desk drawl and pulled out a photograph he buried at the bottom of a stack of papers.

Holding the photo in front of him Squall stared bitterly at it. It was a picture of him and Rinoa all dressed up at the Balamb docks. It was taken just a couple hours before Rinoa had broken up with him.

"You look..." his words failed him. Not a single word that his mind could fabricate did her justice at the moment.

"You don't look so bad yourself," Rinoa responded, playfully pinching his SeeD uniform.

Holding out his arm, Rinoa slipped her arm inside his and together they walked from the Balamb docks to the hotel, where the party they were attending that night was being held.

Squall was never one for corny moments; he despised fairytales, but being under the sparkling night with Rinoa by his side, and an ocean breeze just gentle enough to wave her raven hair ever so slightly. It all equaled one thing- a solitary moment so magnificent that he found the earth itself swirling around him.

Stepping off the docks, Squall was helping Rinoa step down when from behind he heard Selphie's unmistakable enthusiastic voice.

"Squall, smile."

Turning towards the squeal Squall was suddenly blinded by a flash. Shielding his face Squall yelled at his friend. "What the hell do you think your doing?"

"It's called taking a picture Squall, maybe you've heard about it. Now smile."

"Selphie, please," Squall tried to protest, but at that moment Rinoa tugged on his arm.

"Selph, will you please take a picture of me and Squall, I want a memory of this night," her voice was so angelic. It had a way of not only reaching his ears, but his heart as well.

Nodding at her request Squall stepped back onto the dock and wrapped his arm around her, she leaned against his side and together they smiled.

"Tee-he, thanks guys. Now come on, Quistis, Zell and their dates are waiting." Rushing off to meet a waiting Irvine, Selphie's absents left Squall and Rinoa once again alone.

"Well, shall we," Squall asked, once again extending his arm. With a smile Rinoa hooked her arm with his. Together they strode through the Balamb docks and entered the hotel.

The night was full of all the things that you would expect from a SeeD party, alcohol, high ranked military officials...and dancing.

Joining their friends and their dates at a table, Squall found himself throughout the night staring nervously at the dance floor. He could feel it taunting him, even daring him...it knew the unenviable would come.

The night went on; Squall had just finished off his third screwdriver when he felt Rinoa lightly tap him on the shoulder.

"I'll be right back," she whispered into his ear. Nodding Squall watched her walk off into the crowds.

Time went on and Squall hadn't really noticed Rinoa's absents until couples all around him got up from their seats and started to dance. Squall started to glance around the room until he spotted her. Standing off alone on the corner of the room was Rinoa.

Getting up from the table Squall strode over to where Rinoa was standing, with her back towards him he said to her.

"You're the best looking girl here, dance with me?"

"Sq...Squall please," her voice was an odd whisper, he continued on.

"I bet you only dance with people you like." Grabbing her by the shoulder Squall turned Rinoa around. "Your going to like me," he started to chant, but his voice stopped dead at the sight of Rinoa's teary-eyed face. "Oh god Rinoa, what's wrong?"

"Sq...Squall, it's got to end," she sobbed; her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably.

"Okay," he told her soothingly, pulling her to his chest. "It's okay."

Sobbing for a few seconds Rinoa suddenly pushed him away. Squall stared at her stunned.

"No Squall, you and I... we have to end."

All Squall could do was stand there silently.

"I know your confused, but if you respect me at all, please respect this."

He could no longer look at her; a familiar pain had suddenly refilled his whole body. Closing his eyes, in a pained voice he asked her.

"Why?"

With sorrow filled silence Squall waited, hoping that soon he would have the answers to why knives were stabbing at his heart. He waited, but Rinoa never said a word.

Opening his eyes Squall was expecting to see Rinoa standing there, staring at him with tear stained eyes. Rinoa, however, was not standing there. Rinoa was gone.

Dumbstruck, Squall stood there, trying desperately to grasp what the hell was going on.

His breathing rhythms began to increase rapidly when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. Hastily Squall turned around, praying that it would be Rinoa standing there.

"Selphie wants a group picture," said Quistis, she pointed over to where his group of friends were gathered together.

"Come on," Quistis urged "or Selphie will personally thump you with a club and drag you over there," with a smile Quistis slowly started to walk away, thinking that Squall would follow. When he didn't move from where he stood Quistis eyes started to dart around the room. "Where's Rinoa, she'll get you moving?"

Staring at his one time instructor, in an empty voice Squall told her "She's gone..."

Stopping where she stood Quistis searched his face, they were staring into each others eyes when Selphie came storming over to him.

"What's taking you guys so long?" The short girl demanded. "Where's Rinoa?"

"She's gone," Quistis answered for him.

Ignoring the fact Selphie grabbed both of their arms and dragged them to the rest of the group.

From that point on Squall couldn't remember much, everything just became a daze. Bodies were shoved, Selphie's voice yelled and then there was a flash.

The next morning Squall was in his office, he had his face buried in his hands, and his heart yearning for closure that he knew he would never get.

Squall was fighting a battle against his own foreign tears when Selphie unannounced came walking through his office door.

Her perpetual smile was spread across her face as she came bouncing to his desk, a manila folder was in her hand.

"Good morning sunshine," she greeted him, setting the folder down on his desk.

When Squall hadn't returned the greeting Selphie didn't take offense, it had been this way many mornings before. Instead she bent down her head so she peered at him between his fingers. "Long night?" she asked him.

Failing to speak Selphie had enough sense to realize this was not the time for her antics.

Backing toward the door Selphie told him. "There pictures from last night in that folder, when you see Rinoa tell her I have her picture if she wants it," with a smile Selphie left the room.

As soon as the door was shut Squall looked down at the folder that laid on his desk. Picking the folder up, Squall for the longest time simply held it. Bitter irony seared through his bones as he stared.

Throwing the folder back onto his desk one of the sides' flipped open, there two pictures stared at him.

Cursing the painful memories away Squall got up from his desk and moved to the opposite side of the room. It was there that the other photo that Selphie gave him that morning hung.

With the picture of him and Rinoa still in his hand Squall dropped his hands to his side and stared up at the picture on the wall.

It was five of them, all huddled together, the picture that Selphie had dragged him and Quistis to. In the picture Irvine and Selphie knelt in front, Selphie was grasping one of the cowboy's arms. To the right of them was Zell bent over, both his hands were giving the camera a thumbs up. Quistis stood next to Zell, her stern instructor expression was placed on her face. And for Squall, he was bent down behind Irvine and Selphie, his face was staring into the camera, but his eyes were off into the distance...looking for somebody.

A rage that he hadn't felt for years suddenly overpowered his body. Running back to his desk Squall yanked his drawl open and shoved the picture of him and Rinoa back to the bottom of the drawl.

"Back to the bottom Rinoa," he whispered to nobody. "Just like you've been in my heart." With that he slammed the drawer shut.


	3. Flickering Sympathies

CHAPTER III

Flickering Sympathies

"Rinoa, you must calm down."

"Edea, Ultimicia is once again, taking over my body, how the hell am I suppose to calm down?"

In he sooth, motherly voice that Rinoa had grown so fond of over the past few years, Edea put a gentle hand on her shoulder and said.

"Rinoa, I know what your going through right now. If any person in this world knows, it's me. All we got to do is get through this."

With a heavy sigh Rinoa nodded at the older women who guided her across the room to one of the orphanages bedrooms. Rinoa gratefully collapsed into the mattress, putting the pillow over her face, blocking all sunlight from her pale features.

"I'm going to call Laguna, sweetheart. Together the three of us can come up with a course of action."

Not waiting for a reply, Edea started to head towards her phone. The matron was about to leave the room when in a hollow voice Rinoa said to her.

"I saw Squall last night?"

Stopping where she stood, Edea turned to her. "How are you?"

Not answering the question Rinoa continued to speak, her voice loosing more emotion with each word. "I saw him with another woman, her name's Macy. I saw Quistis too, I'm positive that she also saw me."

"I don't know what to tell you Rinoa," Edea said moving towards her on the bed. "It was difficult for everyone after you left; I'm not going to pain you with talking about what Squall was like. I guess though, time enviably continues and people move on."

"I know," Rinoa said, burying her sobs in the pillow. "It's just seeing it is a harsh reality."

Feeling a warm hand on her shoulder Rinoa dared to look up, Edea was staring down on her lovingly.

"Life hasn't been fair to you Rinoa, you have experienced more grief and despair then I would wish upon any living soul. Even still Rinoa you have showed amazing resilience, your heart is still gold. After everything Rinoa, you still have so much to offer. You give everyone around you hope."

No longer bothering to hide her sobs Rinoa asked the former sorceress "Hope of what?"

Bending down, Edea affectionately kissed her on the top of the head and whispered softly in her ear.

"Hope that despite everything, life will go on."

Beyond words Rinoa threw her arms around the one time Matron letting the warmth and security of Edea's arms comfort her.

"You will go on Rinoa," Edea told her, her head was now laying on top of her own.

The two held each other until Rinoa's sniffles faded and her sobs vanished. Slowly Edea began to pull herself away "I'm going to go call Laguna and Cid, I don't want you to worry about anything."

Drying her soaked cheeks Rinoa nodded.

Getting up from the bed, Edea once again started making her way out of the room when Rinoa called after her.

"Edea, for everything you've done…I just want to thank you."

"No Rinoa, it's I who should be thanking you."

With both women smiling affectionately at each other, Rinoa watched Edea leave the room and listened to the faint sounds of Edea picking up the phone.

With Squall by her side, he and Quistis entered Balamb. Not speaking since Quistis' confrontation with him about Rinoa, the two walked silently to Zell's bar.

The stone paved path between the main shopping strip and the docks have literally been the stepping stones in Balamb for all the years in Quistis's sketchy memory.

Each stone was a different color, creating a diverse walk way through the ocean view town. Whenever Quistis was in a hurry, she never paid attention to the path that she scurried along, but when she had the time, Quistis loved to stare at each stone that she stepped on. It was odd, bizarre thing of hers, though not known to anyone else; Quistis always had a hidden meaning behind her affection for the simple rocks.

In her ever fading list of collective memories, one that never left her, one memory that went back as far as she could remember was one on the same path that she walked on now.

It was the day that she came to Balamb Garden, she was only four years old and it was the first time that her eyes had fallen upon the quaint city.

Everything back then was so large, it all had made Quistis feel so alone in a huge world where she couldn't find one place to call home.

She hadn't gotten along well with her last family; her adopted mother was an extremely ill woman who no longer had the strength to raise a child. Her adopted father was a war veteran, whose bitter resentment went farther then the meaningless war that he had returned from.

No longer could Quistis remember the family's names, but the feeling of how unwanted she had felt always lingered. For years it tormented Quistis, made her feel inadequate. It wasn't until she was older that Quistis figured out why she was adopted by the family in the first place.

They were two individuals that had dealt with ordeals that had destroyed them, if only mentally. They were both looking for something that filled the voids that had unexpectedly entered their lives. They assumed that Quistis, a child, could fill those wholes. In the end, however, Quistis only brought realization of their faults to the couple, and so she went.

Stepping onto the stone path for the first time Quistis could still feel the pain and failure that filled her young heart. She started to run through the quiet town, running as fast as her short legs would take her.

In front of the Balamb Inn Quistis tripped scrapping her knee on the stone path.

All alone on the lonely path Quistis began to cry. An act that would be predictable for a child, but that be considering any child spare Quistis. Even as a child she was too proud for her own good.

As her cheeks became soaked a familiar shadow hovered over her.

"Quistis, its okay," came a kind voice. "Everything will be okay."

It was Edea Kramer, only then Quistis knew her strictly as Matron.

Matron informed Quistis that her adopted parents contacted her when she ran away, and someone had seen her sneak onto a shipment boat heading to Balamb.

Hearing this had only made Quistis cry even harder. She wailed that she didn't want to go back, and that she wanted to stay with Matron.

With a warm smile that even to this day stood out vividly in Quistis' mind, Matron said that she could stay with her.

That was the first night that Quistis had stayed at Balamb Garden, where she became the first student to be conducted into the institution.

On the stone path, still walking in silence with Squall, Quistis' thoughts probably would have stayed with the memories had reality not suddenly hit her.

Colliding with another body Quistis looked up to see who she had ran into.

"Laguna?" She said surprised.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Squall asked his father coldly.

Standing in front of them, Laguna looked like a deer caught in headlights. With his eyes wide and his mouth hung open the Esthar President struggled to speak.

"I…I'm here on business." He finally spit out.

"What business do you have hear in Balamb?" Squall was quick to question.

"I'm here to talk to Cid Kramer," Laguna answered, gaining his composure.

"Why do you need to talk to him?"

"That Squall, is between me and Mr. Kramer," Laguna said in an uncharacteristic curt voice. "If you want to talk to me I'll be staying at the Balamb Inn." With that Laguna nodded politely at the both of them and then walked away.

Adults were arguing. Comments and remarks were fired across the room, and all the while Rinoa stayed silent. She felt like a young child again, adults arguing about her own future while she sat idly by.

"She's being taken over my Ultimicia Edea, there's not much else of a choice."

"Cid, you're talking about her as if she was a monster. Rinoa is a human being and an incredible one at that." Edea argued back to her husband.

With a deep sigh Cid spoke. "No one here will deny what kind of character Rinoa has, but a monster is here, though it might not take its usual form."

"Cid, I can't believe you…"

"Mrs. Kramer," Laguna addressed the aging Matron, speaking up for the first time. "I understand both concerns. When I put Adel in her sealed cell, there was not a day that guilt didn't invade my soul. Adel's evil was never a doubt in my mind, but the thought that who the hell was I to imprison another living being to an eternity of doom plagued my already troubled soul to this very day." Laguna shook his head, as if he was shaking his sins away. "The point, I regrettably feel, is that with Rinoa alive…thousands of lives around the world are in danger."

"But what about Rinoa's life, she was not given this burden willingly. I bestowed it upon her, and that Mr. Loire is to my everlasting shame."

"Edea,"- Cid began again, but at this point Rinoa had had enough.

"Please, Edea, Cid, Laguna," catching their attention Rinoa paused for only a moment. Gathering every last drop of composure that she possessed Rinoa closed her eyes and spoke the words that had been dwelling in her heart.

"I know each of you only argue for what you think is best, but if I could tell you what I want, maybe all your arguments could be put to rest."

Their eyes all fell onto her, each telling her their own sorrow, regrets…their own stories, but what they did not realize was this was her story. A story that she did not plan to have the whole world to burden.

"Please Laguna; seal me for eternity as you had Adel."

"No Rinoa," Edea gasped. "This is not what should be destined for you."

"But it is Edea," Rinoa cried. "And no twist of fate can reverse that."

Edea turned her head away, but Rinoa felt a need stronger then fate to understand. Grabbing a hold of the Matron's hand she whispered to her. "Edea I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid about what I have to do."

"Then I'll be afraid for you child," Edea whispered back, taking the hand that held her own and kissing it gently on the edge of the palm.

"Rinoa..." Cid began, but his words failed him.

"I know Mr. Kramer, just as I know that this is what I must do."

The Kramer's were silent, leaving only one person left for Rinoa to speak to.

"Rinoa, of all the courageous acts I have scene. Here right now, here with you. I truly believe I have never met anyone braver."

"Thank you Laguna, but don't praise me for this."

Rinoa watched Laguna's eyes flicker with understanding before he told her "You'll be praised with nothing less then with what you deserve Rinoa."

A half-smile curled onto her lips. "Well I guess that's all a girl can hope for then, isn't it?"

Sympathetic looks suddenly over took their faces. "Guys," she begged. "Please don't do that."

Knowing what she meant the three of them all nodded, and for her own sake they took on a professional manner. They discussed solutions and details, in a way as if they were all looking at the problem from a third person point of view. It was the only way that they could handle the manner; they simply had to take all emotion out of it.

By the end of everything a solution was decided. Rinoa had one week before her entire existence would be sealed and Rinoa Heartilly would just be another name that fades into the tales of history.

AUTHORS NOTES:

I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Not only the emotion that is boiling inside Rinoa, but the sequence where I got to delve a little into Quistis' pass. I hope for readers it's all steering you in an interesting direction.

I hope to finish the next chapter soon, but I'm just beginning college and who knows where my own directions will be steering.

Hope all out there had a pleasant summer.

Take it easy,

Leah


	4. Day One

CHAPTER IV

Day One

Her beauty was undeniable, everything about her just sparkled. Macy Zimmer was a woman that most men beg and pray for, and Squall would be lying if he didn't admit that at one time or another he wasn't one of them.

Everything that Macy wore complemented her figure almost unbelievably. It didn't matter if she was wearing a voluptuous dress, or simple sweats and a t-shirt; Macy Zimmer was gorgeous whenever, however and wherever.

That night was defiantly not an exception.

The group was at Booya's and Macy had just finished her show. Conversing, or rather, listened to a conversation between Zell and Irvine; Squall was not prepared for a seductive voice to whisper into his ear.

"You care to join me in my stage room, Mr. Leonhart?"

Quicker then he intended Squall turned around. Bent towards his chair was Macy; her eyes were flickering with playfulness.

Gaining his composure, Squall mildly answered Macy's offer. "If you don't mind my company, Miss Zimmer?"

"I don't think I'll mind Mr. Leonhart," she answered back, grabbing a hold of one of his hands.

Without putting up much of a fight Macy pulled him out of his chair and began to lead him to the back of the bar. Squall had to ignore his friends' smirks as he followed the singer.

Being dragged by a beautiful women would normally fill Squall with excitement, but tonight that feeling that he normally felt when he was around Macy wasn't there, and Squall knew exactly why. Quistis had placed Rinoa in his head.

He and Macy had been playing this game for quite some time now. After her shows Macy would show up some time during the night at his table. At first they would talk, Squall was hesitant around Macy, getting words out was difficult. It wasn't that he became nervous around her; it was the mistrust that built inside of him. She was a woman trying to get his affection, and for reasons that Squall had buried in his past, he wouldn't let himself fall into another trap.

Despite his reluctance Macy's flirting continued, eventually Squall caved into the Booya's star. Still, his trust and heart wasn't completely there. Rinoa's mark of betrayal was burned into him forever.

Reaching Macy's dressing room Macy stopped outside her door, staring up and down the hall before staring up at him.

"I think the coast is clear," she whispered to him.

"What are you suggesting Miss Zimmer," he teased her. With a seductive grin Macy grabbed Squall by the collar and pulled him into her room.

Her kisses where fast and intense, something that on any other night Squall wouldn't mind, but tonight he couldn't get his mind to stop. Not even thinking Squall pulled himself away from Macy.

"Wh...what is it?" She asked, confused by his sudden departure from her lips.

With a silence that he had used so many times before, Squall took a seat on Macy's couch.

Daring a glance up Squall was surprised by Macy's genuine concern.

"It's nothing that you should worry about," he told her in a deadpan voice.

Moving a hand to her forehead Macy took a seat next to him on the couch, it was the first time that Squall hadn't seen a fake smile, or enticing stare spread across her face. Replacing those things was concern and frustration. Squall had the feeling that this was the first time he had truly seen Macy Zimmer.

"Squall, I know what we have isn't serious and I won't lie to you. I never intended it to be," she sighed deeply; he could tell that she was searching for what to say next. "I know what we have and I'm not going to ask more of you, but sometimes when I stare into your eyes...even I feel lost."

When Squall had first followed Macy to her dressing room that evening this was the last thing he expected, and had he known he probably wouldn't have followed. But now that he was there and listening to her...

"Macy, I don't understand some of the things that I feel. You shouldn't expect yourself to."

Staring at him with an empty expression a whisper of words escaped her lips "I guess not."

Not able to handle an emotional conversation, Squall got up from the couch and moved towards the door.

"Squall, I'm leaving Booya's."

Stopping where he stood, Squall turned to her. Even if he wished to speak no words would have been able to come out of his mouth.

"I was offered a spot at one of Galbadia's bars," Macy went on to explain. "I wasn't even going to tell you, but here I am."

"When do you leave?" He asked her, his voice was small and husky.

"Tomorrow night."

Looking down at himself in disbelief he asked her bitterly. "What am I suppose to do about this?"

"I never asked you to do anything." She said defensively. "It's not even my style to let a guy know that I'm leaving." Shaking her head Macy started to rub the bridge between her eyes. "I guess Squall. For my own sense of closure, I needed to tell you."

With his own confusion and frustration Squall threw up his hands in the air. "I don't know what you expect of me Macy?"

Slowly Macy got up from the couch. She moved up to him so her hands pressed against his chest.

"I...I just wished for one time someone would truly care. I look at you and for the first time I see someone just as lost as I am. I guess because of that I felt a connection with you that I never felt with anyone else before."

Suddenly a yearning feeling took over every fiber in Squall's body. In a defeated voice he asked her. "And now you're leaving?"

"I got to find whatever it is that I'm searching for, and you know you got to too Squall."

The two stared at each other, with an odd smile Macy leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Maybe when we both find what were looking for we'll find each other again."

With one last kiss Macy slowly backed out of the room, and Squall was left with nothing but wonder of what he was really looking for.

* * *

Watching Squall being pulled away by Macy made Quistis confusion raise ten fold. By all outer appearances Squall seemed fine, well as fine as Squall Leonhart would ever seem to anybody who didn't know him well. He was in a new relationship; he had friends that adored him and a job where people admired him. Even still, sometimes Quistis would look at him when nobody else would; it was at these moments when she saw the whole that was missing in Squall. A whole that nobody else saw, but her, because Quistis knew it was the place where Rinoa Heartilly belonged.

It couldn't be a mere coincidence that in a span of two days Quistis saw both Rinoa and Laguna. They were two people who shared no connection with each other, but Quistis knew better. Every intuition inside of her was saying that something was going on; it was just for the life of her Quistis couldn't figure out what that connection was.

Deeply involved with her own thoughts, Quistis didn't even notice that all her friends were staring at her, at least not until Selphie said something.

"Quistis, what's going on with you? You've been acting so weird lately."

She stared at her friends, who were all watching her with their different concerned glares. Zell, who looked worried and nervous, Irvine's expression was calm and waiting while Selphie just stared at her wide eyed and dying with curiosity. All that was missing was Squall's cool and collective glare.

"Guys," she began, not quite sure how she should word what she was about to say. "A couple things have happened in the last two days, but I'm not sure if I'm jumping to conclusions or not. And I'm defiantly not sure if I should tell Squall any of it, even though I think he should know."

"Darling, it might help us if you explain what happened to you," said Irvine, speaking up for everyone's confusion. "because I'm just lost."

Looking around the room nervously, as if what she was about to say was vital information Quistis finally said something to her friends. "Right before we got to the bar me and Squall ran into Laguna."

The three of them looked at each other, then back to her, all of them waiting for more.

"Don't any of you guys think that's weird? How often does Laguna come to Balamb? When we ran into him he wasn't himself either, I can't quite explain it, but he did tell us that he was here to see Cid."

Still the three stared at her; Zell even went as far as to say something.

"Sure that's weird Quistis, but it's not totally out of the question. Both Cid and Laguna are important men; I can think of at least a hundred legitimate reasons why they need to talk to each other."

"Maybe," Quistis replied slowly "But here's the thing." Taking a deep breath Quistis told her friends what had been eating away at her for the past two days. "Last night I ran into someone, someone who could change everything. Especially for Squall."

"Who?" Selphie squealed, the anticipation was killing her.

"Rinoa."

All three of their eyes suddenly grew to the size of golf balls and their jaws dropped like anchors.

"What do you mean you saw her?" Zell asked stupidly.

"I mean I saw her Zell, my own two eyes saw her as I ran into her, and they saw her running away after I said her name."

"Did you chase after her?" Selphie asked, you could tell that she still didn't believe it.

"Of course, but by the time I gained my senses enough to actually run after her she was gone."

"And what do you think Laguna has to do with this?" Irvine asked skeptically. "Where do you see the connection between the two?"

"That's the thing Irvine I can't see it, only feel it."

"You have to tell Squall!" Selphie exclaimed.

Quistis was ready to agree with her hyper active friend when Zell made an objection.

"I think telling Squall is the last thing you should do Quistis. It took him so long to get over her, and now he's doing so well. If you bring it up it will just mess with his head."

"But is he really doing that well Zell?" Quistis asked, a bit amazed that Zell wasn't pushing her to tell him.

"Squall's always going to have his hang-ups, but when's the last time you saw him as up beat as he is right now? Bring Rinoa up will only bring him down."

"Don't you think he has the right to know?" Selphie argued.

"He might have a right, but that doesn't mean he should," Irvine said, taking up Zell's side. "I mean right now he's alone with a beautiful woman. Let him move on."

"So both you guys think I shouldn't tell Squall any of this?" Quistis asked disbelievingly.

"Let's put it this way," Irvine replied. "Rinoa saw you at the bar which means she probably saw Squall, and she still ran away. If you ask me Quistis, I don't think Rinoa wants Squall to know."

Letting out a whirled wind of breathe, Quistis sighed. "I suppose your right, I just wish it all made sense to me."

Getting up from her seat Quistis left the table, nobody tried to stop her as she walked out of the bar.

Balamb was empty that night. Not a soul was roaming the streets, not a sound could be heard from any corner. It was dead and Quistis took great solace in that.

There was nothing to interrupt her thoughts, nothing that hooked her into becoming side tracked. It was just Quistis and Balamb.

Leaving the town behind her, Quistis aimlessly started heading to the beach.

As much as Quistis loved the town, there was always something that pulled you to the waking ocean. Nobody could resist its leer. The beach was a magnet and nothing could stop its force.

Reaching the white sand Quistis instinctively untied her boats and let her bare feet bury themselves in the cool grit.

The late hour had left Balamb's beach just as empty as its streets, save for one girl who Quistis could see in the distance. She was on the far end of the curving beach, standing alone on the brim where the waves met the sand. The girl was staring off into the vast ocean; her eyes were reading the horizon.

Letting the girl be Quistis started to drift back into her own thoughts, pacing along the beach without much rhyme or reason. As she walked debates started to go through her head, topics which ranged from; if she should tell Squall or what the hell was going on were taking center stage.

"I don't know," Quistis said to herself just as she reached where the girl stood. Startled at hearing another presence the girl turned to face her. This time Quistis was startled.

"Rinoa?"

Immediately the girl took off, sand flew in her wake. Not even thinking about it, Quistis once again began to chase after her.

With the grip of the sand between her toes and determination being her wings, Quistis caught up with Rinoa, grabbing the girl by one of her arms she flung her back so the two of them became face to face.

"I have to admit Rinoa," Quistis spoke with a heavy breath "yours is a face that I thought I never see again."

"Likewise," Rinoa replied, her voice was neither cold nor pleasant. It was simply matter of fact.

"What are you doing here Rinoa?" Quistis questioned, her inner SeeD taking over.

To this Rinoa didn't answer, she just stood there silently, her gaze now drifting to the sand.

"Rinoa, why are you in Balamb? Why have you come back, does Laguna have anything to do with it."

"Quistis, please," Rinoa begged "just leave me alone."

"I will as soon as you give me some answers." Quistis replied indignantly.

Looking back up at her, a desperation glowed in the sorceress' eyes. At that moment Quistis could feel her heart caving in for her one time friend.

"You know I can't keep this from Squall, Rinoa? He should know you're here, though I wish you be the one to tell him."

"I can't," she said, her voice was weak, but there was a conviction in her eyes.

Letting go of her arm, Quistis couldn't fight the questions that were swirling in her head. "Why can't you Rinoa?" Quistis asked with her own sense of desperation. "What's going on with you?"

"Listen Quistis, I can't stop you from doing anything. All I can do is ask if you do tell Squall tell him that I'm fine and we should leave it like that."

"Rinoa..." Quistis began, but all she could do was listen to her own voice fade. There seemed to be nothing else she could say.

"It was nice seeing you again Quistis," Rinoa told her, quickly wiping away the tears that were forming in her eyes. "Please take care," was the last thing that she said before taking off into the night.

And all Quistis did was watch her fade off into the distance.

AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry to all reading my story for such a long wait. College is quite the balance of work and play, not to mention the added stress of adaptation and transition. Thankfully I will always have my vice in writing.

As far as this chapter is concerned, I promise that this is a strictly Squall and Rinoa story, though I won't say if the sensuous Macy won't make a reappearance. Anyways, I like to give my genuine thanks to anyone who's taking the time to ready my story.

Take Care,

Leah


	5. Day Two

Chapter V

Day Two

With a mighty swing Squall brought his gunblade crashing down through the air, the end result being a weak Grat horribly sliced into two. He hated all the weak enemies that the Garden put into the training center, he understood their purpose to the underclassmen, but even still, every time Squall walked in there he felt guilty; like he was preying on something so much weaker then himself.

Continuing through the façade of a jungle Squall made his way around the course, seeking the beast which he came there for in the first place. The T-Rex.

Stealthily turning around at every corner, Squall with his easy grace, continued moving until he at last came upon the towering beast that was the T-Rex. It just wasn't the one that he was searching for.

"Quistis, what are you doing here?" He asked his one time instructor as she stood next to a fallen tree, blocking his path to continue.

"I was about to ask you the same thing, since when has it been only commanders can roam the training center freely?"

"Don't start with me Quistis," Squall articulated firmly.

Watching her expression soften, Quistis' voice grew sympathetic. "Zell told me you and Macy broke up."

All Squall did was shrug his shoulders, he was not in the mood for Quistis' motherly antics.

"I'm sorry Squall."

"Don't be," he replied curtly, before turning back around. From behind he could hear Quistis walking after him.

"Squall, I need to tell you something," her voice was now urgent.

"Some other time Quistis," he yelled behind him, picking up his pace.

"It's about Rinoa, Squall."

Just by simply hearing her name made something inside of him snap. Without any control over his body Squall started to sprint out of the training center.

Not daring to look behind himself Squall dashed through the Garden, causing passer bys to stare at him queerly. But their stares didn't stop him, he ran until he made it to his office. Squall slammed the door behind him, but watched it stop in mid-swing as Quistis stepped on through.

"Squall, like it or not, this is one of those times that you have to listen to me," she told him firmly, slamming the door behind herself.

"Quistis, if you want to sit here and lecture me about anything that's fine, but just don't talk about her."

"Squall, I understand wh"-

"No you don't," he stopped her in mid-sentence. "If you did at all you wouldn't be here trying to talk to me about it."

After an agitated sigh Squall moved from his desk and pushed pass Quistis, he had reached his door when Quistis' anxious voice said to him.

"I saw Rinoa yesterday."

Turning back around Squall faced his friend, whose face was bleeding with compassion. "It wasn't the first time either," she went on. "A few days before I ran into her at Booya's."

No words were forming in his head, all that was there was utter shock, which resulted him into silence.

"I know all you want is to move on with your life Squall, and believe me, I want nothing more for you…" With her voice fading into almost a silence of her own Quistis weakly added on her final words. "I just thought you should know."

For a moment Squall closed his eyes, he tried to gather and control the whirlwind that was swirling inside of him. With his eyes still shut he asked Quistis the question that he did not want to know, but in every way needed to.

"How is she doing?"

"What do you mean Squall?" Quistis questioned.

Squall simply replied with his previous words. "How is she doing?"

There was a brief moment of silence; hesitantly Squall began to re-open his eyes, just as Quistis at last started to speak.

"I think something's up Squall," she told him earnestly.

"What do you mean?" He asked as coolly as possible.

He watched as Quistis gingerly shook her head. "I can't tell with any certainty, but everything inside of me is saying that something is going on." At this Squall suddenly felt that familiar earth shaking feeling grasp his heart. "And when we ran into Laguna the feeling just increased. I mean how often does he come to Balamb?"

A thousand-and-one emotions were running through him, but Squall knew when to put a blank expression was on his face.

"I know I shouldn't have told you and that you don't need this in your life right now, I just…"

As Quistis' words faded, Squall found his way back to his desk chair. Collapsing into it he leaned back, with one hand anxiously combing his hair Squall looked back up at Quistis, who was staring down on him nervously.

"I'm glad that you told me Quistis, but right now, if you don't mind, I like to be alone."

Responding with only a simple nod Quistis left his office. Getting what he asked for, Squall suddenly found himself alone, but not completely, for his idle thoughts kept swirling around in his head.

Rinoa had been in town, if she was at Booya's she must have seen him, but why wouldn't she speak to him? Their past might have been running on fate, and their departure might be clouded in mystery to him, but hadn't they built enough in the time they did have together to at least say hello?

Suddenly every bone in his body burned with irrational rage. She might have her reasons for leaving him, and the same could go for not talking to him, but at that moment Squall didn't care. She had left him with nothing more but bitter pain three years ago. Now all that pain was resurfacing.

And his father? He must have known that Rinoa was in Balamb. He was probably going to go see her for whatever mysterious reason that day that he and Quistis had run into him. The lying bastard told Squall he was visiting Cid.

As soon as the name formed in his head, another layer of anger was put over Squall's heart.

Jumping up from his desk chair Squall stormed out of his office and entered the one next store. Without so much as a knock he barged in, he felt no need for formalities at the present moment.

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Squall demanded as soon as he caught site of the aging headmaster.

"Squall," was all Cid said in response. He was sitting dumbstruck behind his desk, a stack of papers were in his hands.

"Don't play dumb," Squall snapped at the Headmaster "You've been talking with my father, and I bet my last Gil it's been about Rinoa Heartilly."

"Would you please calm yourself down," Cid said as he gained his own composure. Straightening the papers in his hands Squall watched him put them in a file folder next to his desk. "Now," he said turning back to face him. "Please explain."

"Quistis has seen Rinoa, Cid, you can't play games with me," Squall paused for a brief moment before continuing "So _now_ can you tell me what the hell is going on?"

With a sorrowful tone Cid replied. "I'm afraid Squall that's not my information to divulge."

"Like hell it isn't," Squall snapped.

"Sometimes Squall, things are out of anyone's control. I pray every night that circumstances were different, but thing are what they are."

The headmaster's word games only infuriated Squall further. It took every fiber of control he had not to explode right there and then. With his eyes closed and his fist clenched, in a whispered voice he asked the man he had regarded as a father for so many years.

"Where is she?"

"Squall, I can't"-

"Cid," Squall cut him off. "Please, I don't know what I'm going to do, but if she's still in town I need to know."

At first Cid was silent, he took off his square shaped glasses and wiped the lenses with the bottom of his shirt, then looking Squall squarely in the eyes he said to him. "I don't hold this information to torment you Squall…but it's her that I'm protecting." Taking a deep breath Cid thought one last time about what he was about to say. "She's at the old orphanage; you'll find that we've spent the last few years repairing the place."

"Thank you," Squall said humbly, he had already turned to leave when Cid once again began to speak. Squall turned back around to face him.

"I can't say anything to stop you, but I ask this of you. Before you do anything please consider your actions, the consequences can hurt all parties involved."

"Cid, what is going on?"

The headmaster maintained eye contact with him, but he said nothing further. Squall took it as his cue to leave.

After his conversation with the headmaster Squall left the Garden, he needed some time so he could have a chance to think.

Forever it took him just to be able to pretend that he was over the sorceress, but if he for once was to be honest with himself, then the truth was that he never got over Rinoa.

Pacing along the plains that surrounded the Garden, Squall tried to desperately figure out what Cid wouldn't tell him, unfortunately for all the thought that he put into it the end result was in vain.

His thoughts then drifted over to the idea of actually seeing Rinoa again. What would he do; so many of his emotions crossed each other.

Traveling further into the plains Squall found a clear, secluded area where no trace of civilization could be seen. There he sat, letting his hands dig pass the grass and into the dirt that rested below.

All his life Squall had lived in one complex bubble after another, not once had any path seem clear to him. He would sometimes at night lie in bed and yearn for simplicity just so he could sleep soundly.

When the dark blanket of night covered the sky, Squall sat up from the ground. The peacefulness hadn't given him answers nor truths, only more questions and answers.

Bitterly he walked back to the Garden; it felt so empty late at night and not for the first time that day Squall felt alone. Stepping into the elevator Squall went to push the button for the top floor when an unexpected urge stopped him. Lowering his hand to the garage button Squall felt his heart raise with anxiety as the elevator began to lower.

With one of the perks to being commander being having access to virtually every car in the garage, Squall took out his keys and opened the first car he came to.

An automatic pilot had taken over his body as he raced down the deserted streets. His mind was in a blissful emptiness as he drove. No thoughts, no emotions, just driving. That train came to a crashing end when Squall found himself pulled up to the orphanage, he found his former residence glowing with an enticing light that came from the windows. They were like small lighthouses in the pitch black night.

He got out of the car without a problem, but as soon as his feet touched the orphanages gravel his entire body froze.

In that orphanage lied every answer that he yearned to learn, but a force greater then himself prevented him from moving forward. A force that had captured his heart, and then ripped it away when he least expected it.

"Fuck you Rinoa," he whispered into the night, letting the words blow past him with the breeze.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Soon things are about to get heart wrenchingly interesting…I promise. Sorry for the spaced out updates, but I'm facing my first set of college finals. What a bitch.

Anyways, thanks to all out there reading and I wish you the best of holidays.

Always,

Leah


	6. Day Three

CHAPTER VI

Day Three

The warm cup of tea felt good in her chilled hands, mornings were always cold in Balamb. By noon things would warm up, but until then Rinoa always had a sweater waiting.

From out the window Rinoa caught the sun beginning to rise just above the horizon. Ever since the decision to seal her for eternity was made, Rinoa made it a priority to catch the morning sunrise. The tranquility that it bestowed upon her heart was priceless.

Taking the first sip of her tea Rinoa noticed Edea enter the room.

"You just made it," Rinoa told the older woman as she joined her at the kitchen table. A gentle smile pierced Edea's lips and together they silently watched the sunrise.

The former sorceress tried desperately not to behave any differently towards Rinoa; she tried to act as if the decision was never made. Rinoa wasn't quite sure if she liked that or not. Where she appreciated the sympathy and compassion, it made reality not seem real. There was only four days left in her life, but it hadn't set in yet with Rinoa, and of all the things that is what scared her.

Once morning was at last upon them, Edea got up from her seat and moved to the kitchen. "What do you want for breakfast Rinoa?" She asked putting on a pot of coffee.

Standing up herself Rinoa finished her cup of tea. "I think I'm going to skip breakfast this morning Edea, I want to take a morning walk along the beach."

"Are you sure?"

Lacing up her boots Rinoa nodded. "I'll be back for lunch," she promised. Grabbing her sweater Rinoa left the orphanage.

It was a gorgeous morning. Everything was clear and bright, a pleasant breeze was sweeping through the air and the wonderful smell of morning dew was all around.

Stepping onto the gravel that led to the orphanage Rinoa began her walk, three footsteps later; however, she came to an immediate stop. Parked only a few feet away was a familiar vehicle with the initials BG plastered on the side of it.

"What the hell is a Garden car doing here?" Rinoa asked herself

Two seconds later her question was answered.

Standing by the side of hic car was a dumbstruck Squall Leonhart. Rinoa couldn't believe it; there only a dozen feet away was the one person that she couldn't handle seeing. Their eyes burned into each other. Even after all the years his eyes had the same effect on her that they did the day they met. She was paralyzed.

"Rinoa," was the only thing he said. Even just hearing him utter her name made everything inside of Rinoa collapse. All the strength that she had been running her all these years vanished with one word.

Silence followed her name, and it might have remained that way for the rest of their lives had Edea at that moment, when the tension was at its peak, hadn't come barging out of the orphanage.

"Rinoa, I forgot to…" Her voice quickly faded.

Edea stopped dead in her place, she was a few feet away, but the scene must have told her everything. After Edea's intrusion Rinoa's eyes went back to Squall, whose body had suddenly gone rigid.

With only a moment of silence passing Edea gathered herself enough to speak, as awkward as it was. "Well I see that your busy dear, I'll just talk to you later." With that Edea went back into the orphanage, leaving her all alone once again with Squall.

Not only had Edea entrance broke the tension, it also untied Squall's tongue, Edea had barely become out of sight when Squall attacked her with questions.

"What the hell is going on, why are you here?"

"Squall, I"- she tried to speak, but Squall was quick to cut her off.

"Why the hell did you go to Booya's? I've worked so long and hard to get rid of you…and now here you are?"

"Squall, I have no reasons or explanations for you," she told him, giving her best effort to convey no emotion. "So please leave it at that."

"Fuck you Rinoa, after everything how dare you tell me to 'just' leave it at that."

His words stung like poison, but only because they were true. Closing her eyes only for a brief second, Rinoa tried again to speak.

"You have every right to be angry, and whatever you say I won't hold it against you. Just please, get in your car and leave me, leave everything behind."

At first Squall didn't respond with words. Instead he began to walk towards her; she was suddenly paralyzed as he drew nearer. Within seconds they were face to face. Rinoa's heart was racing, everything inside of her was saying run, but for whatever reason she didn't. She just allowed herself to get trapped in his steal blue eyes, just as she had the moment they had met.

"Rinoa, whatever is going on is your business, I can respect that. You can go on with your life however you choose; frankly I don't give a damn. Whatever your reasons I don't care, all I want to know is this," he paused and took in a deep breath, when he spoke again his voice was filled with so much despair…it stabbed into her like a piece of broken glass. "Rinoa, why did you leave three years ago?"

Rinoa had to look away, she could no longer bare the grief that she had caused this man, a man that at one time meant the world to her. Now she could see her entire world crashing everywhere. She couldn't handle it.

Not allowing herself to say a word Rinoa ran for it. She ran pass him, pass his car, pass the road he drove on, pass everything that had brought them to this point. On and on, Rinoa just ran.

For a long time Rinoa pushed herself against the road, it was easier to continue on mindlessly then to think about what she left behind. To think about Squall.

All this, everything, it wasn't fair. Nobody asked for these fates that were forged, but here they were and there wasn't a damn thing that anyone could do about it.

Stopping when her lungs had used their last drop of oxygen, Rinoa collapsed on the coast. She was at least a mile from the orphanage and completely alone.

She no longer processed any restraint as terrified sobs took over her body. She was ready to be sealed; she had accepted and condoned it. But seeing Squall face-to-face again, suddenly, everything was turned upside down.

It was hard to believe in fate and destiny, but they were easy answers when life was so cruel.

She was destined to destroy the world, just as sorceresses both past and present have done, but whatever happened to choice? Who was to say she was going to bring destruction, what if she had the will just to say one simple word. No.

_'Because you won't child,' _came an unnerving voice from inside her head.

"No," Rinoa whispered helplessly.

'_Yes child,' _said the voice that had haunted so many of her nightmares. _'You are strong, but so am I. Your will is not iron, it will fold and soon crumble.'_

"Why me?" Rinoa cried to the future sorceress. "Why is it my life that is plagued with never ending cruelty?"

_'Because child,' _Ultimicia began to answer. _"You have a heart strong enough to withstand the burdens.'_

"That not a good enough answer for me," Rinoa yelled angrily, a bitter laughed echoed in her head.

_'Then nothing ever will be,' _Ultimicia replied. _'Till next time child.' _Then as if somebody had simply snapped their fingers Ultimicia's force was gone.

After the sorceress's departure Rinoa found herself flooded in wave of fury. Finding a rock buried in the sand, Rinoa dug it out with all her might and threw it angrily into the ocean. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that everything right in her life was ripped away.

She thought back to her mother. Rinoa had only been six years old when her mom had died of breast cancer. She was so young, and all the doctors and trips to the hospital didn't make any sense to her.

On one day, not any more special then the one before or after, Rinoa had snuck out of the daycare center that the hospital provided to see her mother. It wasn't a sight that her six year old self expected to see.

Julia Heartilly, was lying almost lifelessly in her bed. Her beautiful brunette hair no longer rested perfectly on her shoulders, baldness had replaced the silk layers. Her mom's cheek bones were sticking out and her entire complexion was pale. Rinoa would have been able to look past all that if it weren't for her mother's eyes. They were still so alive, still so strong and determined. Everything about Julia Heartilly represented that of a dying woman; spare the one thing that was the gateway to her mom's soul.

Crawling onto her bed, her mom didn't look the least bit surprised to see her daughter out of daycare. A weak smile crept onto her mother's lips as Rinoa snuggled next to her side.

At first Rinoa was silent, it had been so long since she had felt the comfort of being on her mother's side. With Rinoa, however, curiosity always got the best of her. In a voice so terrified that she could barely recognize it as her own Rinoa asked her mother.

"Mom…what's going on?"

For only a split second a look of despair fell to her mother's eyes, her eyes', however, grew a new kind of intensity, erasing everything else away.

"Rinoa, my love, I'm sick. Very sick actually."

This didn't explain very much to her six year old mind, Rinoa had been sick plenty of times, but after some cough medicine and a bowl of hot chicken noodle soup she always got better.

"Rinoa, I want you to understand something," her mom spoke again, ignoring her daughter's confusion. "Things in life happen. You barley ever have control over those things, they are just things that occur. Life goes on."

Rinoa nodded at her mother, pretending that she understood.

"What you have to realize in life is the things that are important to you. You Rinoa, are important to me. You Rinoa, are the most important thing to me in the entire world."

It would be years before anything he mother said that day would make any sense, but when it did Rinoa had felt a bond with her mother. One that she probably would have never of felt even if her mother was still alive.

More then anything Rinoa wished her mom was on her side at that moment. She was thinking about the comfort that her mother provided even with the simplest of touches, she was thinking these thoughts when all at once Rinoa realized something, parts of her mother was with her. Like her strength, her determination, all the things that lived in her amber eyes…they were all within in her.

Her mother accepted her fate and so was she.

It was late that night when Rinoa finally returned to the orphanage. In the dining room Edea and Cid were wrapped in conversation. Rinoa didn't need three guesses to figure out what they were talking about.

"Hey," Rinoa interrupted. They both jumped at the sound of her voice.

"Rinoa," Edea gasped, she leaped up from the table and ran to her. She hugged her just like a mother would.

Finding herself clinging to the older women a few extra seconds Rinoa at last pulled away. In a voice that was nothing but concerned Edea asked her. "Is everything alright?"

With a quiet sob Rinoa shook her head. "Oh honey," Edea said, lowering her shoulders so their eyes were even. "I wish I could make all the pain go away for you."

Being in his wife's arms Rinoa watched Cid hesitantly approach them. Putting a sympathetic hand on her shoulder he said to her. "There was no keeping him away. I never meant for you two to collide the way that you did, but somehow you two did."

Throwing his wife a meaningful glance Cid left the room.

When it was back to just the two of them, Edea guided Rinoa to a chair. Desperately Rinoa tried to put on a brave face as Edea sat down next to her, but all her efforts were useless, she could feel herself breaking, starting in her heart and cracking all the way to her soul.

"Rinoa," Edea said carefully. "I know that seeing him must have been difficult, but it made me think…what if he came for a reason. In less then four days you are going to commit the bravest and most selfless act that this world has ever seen. Maybe in those days you're suppose to be somewhere that none of us foresaw, maybe you're suppose to be with him."

Staring at the Matron in bewilderment Rinoa had to choke out her words. "Are you saying that I should go running to Squall, only to be ripped away from him three days later?"

"No," Edea replied calmly. "I'm only suggesting that in those days you be as happy as you can be."

Sitting up in her chair Edea bent over and gently place a kiss on top of Rinoa's head. Following her husband's earlier route Edea left Rinoa alone, suddenly Rinoa found her only company in the lonely orphanage was burdened thoughts and an exhausted soul.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Well I'm back. It's been a hard last few weeks emotionally for me, so I was glad that this chapter had so many emotional strings. I was able to put a little more soul into the words- hope that's not too corny for anyone out there.

Anyways, hope everyone had a good holidays. I'm back at college, which really means I'm back to working my ass off, but what can you do?

Till next time,

Leah


	7. Day Four

CHAPTER VII

Day Four

"I think you did the right thing," Selphie assured her. "I don't care what Zell says, Squall has the right to know."

"I think that too, but after I told him I started thinking. Doesn't Rinoa have the right to her own business? I feel like I meddled in something that I don't know all the information to."

Quistis watched Selphie's expression saddened, something that it rarely does. After a deep sigh Selphie spoke. "I'd love to look back at Rinoa fondly; she was a major part of all our lives. With that said, the fact remains that Rinoa left Squall, whose place is much closer to my heart."

In a rare moment of total seriousness, Quistis took in her friend's words. Although she would always have a sympathetic tie with Rinoa Heartilly, Squall's well being was always one of her main concerns. The confirmation of that thought cemented her decision.

After a quick goodbye Quistis parted from Selphie to make her afternoon appointment with Cid.

Meetings with Cid were always awkward for Quistis; they were awkward for everyone whose roots connected with the orphanage. Cid was the father figure that none of them really had. When meeting with him in a professional setting, Quistis didn't know rather to address him as the headmaster of Balamb Garden, or the goofy old man that he really was. For the most part the group referred to Cid as the latter man, spare Squall, who was professional to everything connected with Garden.

Entering Cid's office a smile greeted her, though Quistis was quick to notice it wasn't as wide as it usually was. She took the seat opposite of Headmaster.

"Hi Quistis," Cid said, his voice uncharacteristically indifferent. "I called you in so I could hand you your next mission."

"Alright," she answered, taking the manila folder that Cid handed her. "What am I up to this time?"

"I'm sending you with two others to Esthar; apparently some scientific research was stolen. I want you to investigate"- Cid's voice broke odd when Squall suddenly entered the room. The two men glared at each other, where Cid's eyes portrayed concern, Squall's were more along the line's of raiser sharp daggers.

"Here are the reports from the Mandowski mission," Squall said curtly, throwing a stack of papers onto Cid's desk, without so much as another word or glance Squall turned around and briskly left the room.

Quistis' eyes followed Squall until the door shut firmly behind him.

After Cid's briefing Quistis left the headmaster's office and immediately went to the familiar office that was next store. She was about to knock on the door when the sound of shuffling steps from behind stopped her.

Turning around Quistis was able to only perform one action, and that action was to gawk at the person that she now found before her.

For the third time that week, Rinoa Heartilly stood before Quistis, and what a sad sight she was. Her entire body was soaked and shaking, she had obviously walked through the rain. With her frail, pale arms holding it's own thin frame Rinoa stared hopelessly up at her.

For the past three years Quistis had held only bitter thoughts for Rinoa. She had witnesses what she's done to Squall, and no pass memories were able to reprimand the despised image that Quistis had held for the women that she once saved the world with. Now, however, seeing Rinoa at her weakest moment, all that had been erased. Quistis, in the face of all past feelings, felt nothing but deep sympathy and even a tinge of love for the raven haired girl that now stood before her.

With her heart curling around the edges, the smallest of smiles reached Quistis's lips. In a gentle voice Quistis said to her friend.

"Hi Rinoa."

* * *

Bitterness. His heart pounded with it, his mouth tasted it at every moment, all his thoughts gravitated towards it. Its poison was taking him over, but Squall simply didn't care.

For so long Rinoa had haunted him, for so long all he wanted was closure. Seeing her again…it was like having salt thrown in all his past wounds.

Entering his office Squall collapsed into his chair, why couldn't all the shadows of his past just leave him the hell alone?

Burying his face in his gloved hands Squall heard the faintest knock on his office door.

"Go away," he barked at whoever dared to intrude on his sorrow. When no voice or second knock followed Squall thought he had won a small victory. Seconds later, however, his door opened and a shadow of a figure entered his office.

Ready to yell Squall stepped up from his desk "What the hell do…" His words stopped and his mouth grew dry.

"Hey Squall," said Rinoa quietly.

Squall couldn't believe it, there she stood, soaked to the bone, but there she was right there in front of her.

Suddenly her body broke into a fierce shake, leaving Squall not sure if it was merely because she was drenched or merely because he was standing before. Either way Squall set his bitterness aside, quickly moving to his coat hanger that stood by his door, Squall grabbed his brown leather jacket that for so many memories rested on his shoulders and placed it around Rinoa's.

With a look of disbelief Rinoa stared at the jacket, rubbing its feather collar between her fingers.

"It's been so long since I've seen this jacket," Rinoa said, her voice almost ghost like.

"It's been a long time since I've worn it," he replied, then indicated to the coat hanger which the jacket came from. "I've had it there since…" Squall stopped to catch himself, he was going to say 'since you left me,' but there was no need. From one look at her he could tell that Rinoa knew the rest of that sentence.

An uncomfortable silence took over. Desperately Squall wanted to keep in that moment of silence, in hope that if he was patient enough it would all go away. As much as he wanted this moment just to disappear, there was another force stronger then his pain and that was his curiosity.

In a moment that he couldn't describe, Squall spoke with rare emotion that he could neither explain nor take back. "What are you doing here Rinoa?"

"Squall, I…" that's all she could say. He watched as words failed her.

"Rinoa," he said desperately. "I'm tormented, I see you here shaking and half of me wants to console you while my other half wants to turn my back. Please, give me a reason not to do that latter."

"Squall…I'm sick."

"You're sick?" He repeated breathlessly. "What do you mean?"

"I don't have much longer…I'm tormented too because half of me wants to spare ourselves the pain of going through being torn from each other, while my other half desperately wants that brief time of happiness."

"Is that why you left three years ago?" He asked her, not quite able to grasp what she was telling him.

"That night I was told…I was told how sick I was. And suddenly right there and then I was going through all these new emotions; I didn't know how to deal with any of them. So I just ran."

"We could have worked through them together," Squall told her meekly.

"I didn't think I had that long."

"And here you are three years later," he added bitterly.

Squall watched as Rinoa's expression grew sadder. "I have no more explanations then that Squall, if you want more I'm sorry."

Exasperated Squall had to turn away from her, everything was all too cruel. Here she was, but if he was to except that, what would they have together? Months, weeks…days? Either way in the end he would have to deal with loosing her all over again.

Buried in his troubled thoughts, a gentle hand on his shoulder stirred him. He turned back to Rinoa, their eyes locked onto each other.

"I know what I'm offering is nothing, and if you told me to leave this office I won't hold it against you, in fact that's what I'm expecting you to say," pausing for a moment Squall watched her instinctively grasp the rings that laid upon her swan like neck. After a deep breath she continued. "I guess why I'm here is just to see you, at least for one last time and to tell you that through all this time, through everything that has happened…my heart has never left you Squall."

Watching her fighting against her own helpless tears, Squall fought against his own. The two stared yearningly at each other, she desperately needing to hear the acceptance in his voice, and he desperately needing to be just near her.

In a move braver then all his feats before Squall reached a hand over to hers. He held it frigidly at first, but soon he was grasping it as if he was to let go she would once again be lost.

"Rinoa," he spoke at last. "I don't know if I can handle loosing you again."

Her pale finger lovingly graced his cheek. "I just need to be with you Squall, I…" Her words once again faded, but this time he didn't need to hear anything else.

Wrapping his arms around her, both of them clung to each other in fear of ever letting go.

"I'm so scared Squall," she whimpered into his shoulder.

"I am too," he told her, meaning it with all his heart. "But know that I'm here when you need someone to cling to."

A quiet sob was all Rinoa replied, but that sob said more then any words could say. It said that maybe, just maybe, things could be alright.

They both clung onto that dire hope.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Well I finally had them come together. I hope all enjoyed.

I just wanted to thank a few people who've taken the time to read this far; lady-rinoa, FloralBlackMoon, almasy11, Squinoa Fan, Kye-Kye and Karaoke Risa. Thank you to all of you. And everyone else whose taken the time to read my story this far. I appreciate it.

Take it easy,

Leah


	8. Day Five

CHAPTER VIII

Day Five

She didn't want to lie to Squall, all she wanted was to be held in his arms and tell him everything that she wanted to say to him for the past three years, but that was a desire that Rinoa knew couldn't be filled.

Time might have separated them, but Rinoa knew she still had the influence to something that not even time had the power to do. Dampen Squall's will to fight. Had she told him the truth he would fight for her, he wouldn't allow her to be frozen. Just like all those years ago he would come for her, and though no deed warmed her heart more, Rinoa knew she couldn't let him do that. She was a menace upon the world that had seen enough heartbreak, and no matter what she wasn't going to allow herself be a tool for destruction. For the world, for the people she cared about, for Squall, Rinoa Heartilly was going to seal herself for everything.

If love taught her anything, it taught her to lie.

Rinoa spent the entire day in Squall's office, and during that time the two of them really didn't even talk. To be honest they were both too frightened to say anything to each other. They didn't do anything; they simply sat together, both beyond content to be in each others company.

When night came upon them and their eyelids began to weigh too much on their tired souls the two of them snuggled on Squall's small leather couch. They allowed the brown, comforting skin engulf them. And for the night permitted themselves to lay siege to all their weaknesses, and for a short period of time let them cast their worries away.

Only that morning Rinoa could think of nothing more awkward or alarming then snuggling once again against Squall, but it was then that she discovered that there was another power that time had no control over. The comfort that Rinoa and Squall gave each other.

Pressed against the SeeD, Rinoa buried her head against the nape of his neck. There with sleep overcoming her exhausted body she whispered to him. "I'm sorry for everything Squall."

With a queer look he whispered back. "Don't be."

Feeling a small smile creep onto her lips she asked him. "Where do we go from here, Squall?"

"I suppose anywhere we want to," he replied softly.

At that Rinoa's mouth reversed back into a frown. They were nice sentiments, but nothing could be a farther spectrum from the truth.

"How would you feel about seeing everyone tomorrow?" He asked, protruding her thoughts before quickly adding. "I mean, if you feel up to it."

"Would any of them want to see me?" Rinoa asked a tad startled. Although she had already seen and spoken with Quistis, the thought of seeing Selphie, Irvine and Zell again…it was a bit too much.

"It may be a bit of a shock to them at first," Squall answered truthfully. "But I honestly think they would love to see you."

Rinoa knew she would love to see them too, to have things the way that they were. That, however, was a dream from another life and there would never be enough time to resurrect that dream.

"We can meet them for breakfast in the morning." Squall urged.

Hesitantly at first, Rinoa slowly nodded. She only had three days, if she had the chance to reconcile her past friendships…well in those three days that as something that she had to do.

"I think I should," she whispered what would be their last bit of conversation before sleep at last over took them both.

* * *

Over breakfast Quistis told her friends about Rinoa's return. At first none of them said anything; they just gave her this dumbfounded look.

"Guy's, this isn't what you think," she told them and then began to explain what the headmaster explained to her the day before when she barged into his office for answers. When she was finished their confusion only increased, but at least now they were able to find their tongues.

"So in like three days Rinoa is going to have herself frozen?" Zell asked in disbelief.

With a nod Quistis added "Cid and Edea are orchestrating the whole thing, along with Laguna."

"And that's why she left three years ago?" Selphie questioned.

"That's what Cid told me, he said she came to him when she started hearing Ultimicia's voice in her head. He and Edea began to watch over Rinoa, and then something happened on the night of the SeeD ball. Something that made Rinoa want to run from everything, but Cid wouldn't tell me what that was."

"Why did they wait so long to seal her?" Zell questioned. "I don't want to sound cruel or anything, but wouldn't they want to prevent anything from happening right away?"

"The way Cid explained it to me was that they wanted to observe her in Esthar before they made any rash decisions and while they were doing so Ultimicia's presence died. For whatever reason Rinoa made a life in Esthar, until recently when Ultimicia started to come back."

"That's so weird," Selphie exclaimed, summing up everything Quistis had said pretty well.

"Does Squall knows about all this?" Irvine asked, breaking into the conversation for the first time.

"I assume Rinoa has told him," Quistis answered.

No sooner as her last word formed did both Squall and Rinoa enter the cafeteria.

The whole group stared as the two figures strode towards their table. As the pair made their way over Quistis' focus remained chiefly on Rinoa. You could sense how scared and frightened she was. After leaving this life, for whatever reason all those years ago, here she was shoved right back into the mix of things. Quistis could think of no deed more admirable then Rinoa taking a seat at that table. Despite being scared as all hell, she showed courage beyond any recall. That was the Rinoa Heartilly that Quistis remembered.

No moment in the history of the world, for this Quistis was sure, was more awkward then those first few moments when Rinoa joined the table.

For her part Rinoa smiled politely, but didn't say a word. Nobody did. All six of them just sat there, praying that any kind of intrusion would break the unbearable tension. God bless Zell.

"You know what we should do today?" Everyone stared at the tattooed man gratefully; with a large grin Zell answered his own question. "We should go fishing, you know at the Balamb docks. It's been ages since we've done something fun like that together."

For his proposal Zell received four hesitant looks, but one person stood behind his suggestion. Speaking up for the first time, a nervous Rinoa spoke. "That's sounds good." When everyone stared at her she was quick to add. "If that's alright with everyone else?"

Quistis didn't know about everyone else, but she could feel a smile creep onto her lips. "I agree," she told the group. "How often do we do something fun around here that doesn't involved going to the bar, no offense Zell?"

"None taken," Zell replied brightly, he then turned to everyone else. "So the matters settled then?"

The matter was settled, after breakfast the six heroes that once saved the world against the most heinous of horrors were going fishing.

* * *

With everyone having a fishing pole in their hands, the group all trotted from the Garden to the Balamb docks. Squall watched the rest of his friends as he and Rinoa trailed behind them.

Having breakfast together was a much more awkward situation then Squall pictured it would be.

Every morning since their return from the Ultimicia affair, the group met for breakfast in the cafeteria. Their lives became so chaotic as the days made them grow older, especially for Squall. Breakfast, however, was their time together that nobody set, but they all followed. And for the last three years it has been only the five if them, today they were six.

Despite the tension and discomfort they experienced in their morning escapade Rinoa handled it with such a grace and poise. For the entire duration of breakfast Squall couldn't take his eyes off of her. Ridiculously afraid that if he did, she would vanish.

It was so amazing and terrifying at the same time to have her back in his life. For all his dreams, for all those sleepless nights…here she was. Even with her return, however, heartache had traces everywhere. Rinoa was ill…very ill, and there was nothing that he could do about it.

For the moment everything was alright, she was fine and well right next to him, but time would continue it's course and so would Rinoa's illness. Eventually the two would meet and everything would shatter.

Awaking him from his thoughts was Rinoa; she had stumbled and dropped her fishing pole. Squall picked it up and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she said somberly.

"What's wrong?" He asked noticing her frown. "I thought you were pretty amazing back at breakfast."

"Squall," she addressed him sadly. "Please stop being so nice to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Everything you've done since I walked into your office has been so kind…I can't handle it."

His confusion left him speechless.

"All of you, you act like nothing ever happened. I don't deserve that. I deserve harsh remarks and bitter resentment."

"Rinoa, I've spent the last three years being bitter and resentful. Maybe it's because times short, but I don't want to live like that, not now."

"Squall, I…"

"I know," he told her, grasping her twitching fingers. "There's no promises that any of us can keep, it's always been like you said. Nobody can predict the future."

He watched her fight back tired tears, a battle that she had been fighting her entire life.

Not letting go of her hand Squall said to Rinoa. "Let's go catch up with the others." With a slight nod Rinoa agreed, together they moved forward.

To be honest, Squall never took a liking to fishing. After all the blood that he had spilt, it just seemed like senseless killing to him. Zell had wasted lots of breath over the years trying to convince him that fishing was simply a relaxing activity that was suppose to connect you with nature.

This visit to the Balamb docks, however, was entirely different. Nobody actually fished; they all just stuck their rods over the tips of the dock and competed to see who could pull in the smallest fish that circled around it. Zell was the only one who actually cast his rod further out.

The day was just innocent giggles; Squall even found himself breaking into a fit of laughter when Selphie shoved Zell into the water just as he was getting his 'first bite.'

For their whole time at the docks Squall was joined to Rinoa's hip. They competed, they joked…he made her laugh. It wasn't that forced laugh that she had been using all day either; it was her genuine, high pitch giggle that made Squall fall for her in the first place.

The only time that they left each other's sides was when she left with Selphie to find more worms; it was during this brief period that Quistis approached Squall.

"A bit overwhelming isn't it?" Quistis asked taking a seat on the dock beside him; Squall didn't need to be a defective to figure out what she was referring to.

"It is," he told her honestly. "But you want to know the weirdest part of it all; it doesn't feel weird at all. She just clicked; like she was part of a puzzle piece that none of us knew was missing."

"You always knew that piece was missing, didn't you?" Quistis responded sadly.

Not sure how to respond Squall sat there silently. She was right; Rinoa never went away, only faded until the moment when she came back the brightest.

"I don't want to loose her again Quistis," he said after awhile.

"I know," she said sorrowfully. "I wish there was something we could do, but…" her voice faded into depressed sadness.

"Do you even know what she has?"

To Squall's question Quistis shot him a queer look. "What do you mean?"

"Cid must have told you about her illness," he replied, a bit surprised by her confusion.

"Her illness?"

"Yes, the disease that's killing her. I haven't had the nerve to ask what it is yet," he said to her. When Quistis' face remained blank Squall added. "I thought you knew about it?"

Squall witness the lights go on inside his friend, words suddenly started to come out rapidly from Quistis' mouth.

"Of course I knew, I just wasn't sure if Rinoa had told you and I didn't want to be the one to tell you. Cid really hasn't told me anything about it. I wish we could all be a little more filled in."

Staring at Quistis Squall tried to read if she was hiding anything, her expression seemed to have tightened and her eyes were slightly wider then usual. Not knowing what to think Squall gave into a defeated sigh.

"How long do you think she has?"

At this Quistis' expression began to soften, in a voice that was a cross between tired and at a loss she told him. "I hope that it's longer then all of us fear."

With that Quistis got up from her spot next to him. On her way up she kissed him gently on the forehead, an act uncharacteristically Quistis. With a weak smile she parted from his company.

* * *

"You know I love worms. I hate that we have to dig them from their homes and dangle them in water only for them to be eaten. Then again, if we didn't dig the worms up what would the fish eat? The circle of life is a bitch ain't it?"

Everything that Selphie had just said was so rapid and mingled together that Rinoa had to wonder how the girl was able to process it all in her head, which made her giggle.

Selphie laughed along with her, it was a nice feeling to have unison fits of laughter with someone.

Their can was becoming full with squirming insects when they heard footsteps entering their clearing. Turing around Selphie chirped.

"Hey Quistis, you come to help is dig for worms?"

"Uh, sorry Selph," Quistis replied, her face carried no emotion, but her voice cracked with it. "I was actually hoping to get the chance to talk to Rinoa."

Standing up Selphie patted the dirt from off her knees. "Well she's all yours," the cheerful girl told Quistis. "I'll go give these poor worms to the boys." With a bounce Selphie trotted off, and Rinoa was left alone with an obviously perturbed Quistis.

"Rinoa," Quistis addressed her the moment Selphie was out of ear shot. "I know I'll never be able to fully understand what you're going through, or what you 'have' been through for that matter. For your courage my heart goes out to you, but I don't think I should be the one telling you all this. I think you should talk to someone else, someone who doesn't know what I know, but should."

Letting out an exasperated sigh Rinoa tried to pathetically defend herself. "It's not that easy Quistis. I could barely get myself to see him again, let alone tell him that in three days I'll never see him again."

"So in three says you're just going to leave and let him figure it out for himself?"

Becoming angry, despite herself, Rinoa snapped at Quistis. "I never asked for this. It was Squall who showed up at the orphanage when everything was set, and messed with my head. I…I didn't know what to do, I still don't."

"Well Rinoa, you're a grown woman, a magnificent grown woman I think does you more justice. I trust you'll do whatever you feel in right, but just bare in mind that Squall is going to get hurt no matter what you do. I would think you would at least want to leave him with a shared truth."

Affectionately pinching her shoulder Quistis walked away.

Rinoa knew that every word that Quistis spoke was true, but that didn't make anything any easier.

Rejoining everyone back at the dock Rinoa didn't immediately spill everything to Squall. Instead she waited. Eventually night fell on them and the others decided to head back for dinner. Rinoa stayed back at the docks with Squall.

It was so peaceful when everyone was gone; everything was rich with a beautiful silence.

Dipping her toes in the night's chilled water; Rinoa was staring off into the distance. Squall was sitting next to her, both daring glances at each other every few seconds.

The first to pierce the nighttime tranquility was Squall when he hesitantly asked her.

"Rinoa…what exactly is going on? You have an illness, but you haven't said anything about it. I can't tell by your appearance that anything is wrong. I…I wish you tell me, no matter what it is."

"Squall, I want to be honest with you…it's just so damn difficult."

"I wish I could make it easier for you, but I have a feeling there's nothing I can do."

Staring into his steel blue eyes she mustered up every last drop of earnestly she had and asked him. "Will you promise me that whatever I'm about to tell you, you'll accept it, and more importantly leave it be."

"Rinoa, I"-

She cut him off. "Promise me Squall, I need you to."

With his eyes glimmering with a tinge of fear he slowly nodded. "I promise."

After a deep sigh Rinoa nodded back. "I'm not ill Squall; I'm actually far from it."

"Then what the hell is going on?" Squall asked her, his voice treading the thin line of anger and calmness.

"Squall, Ultimicia…she never left me. I've been feeling her presence for the past few years. I left because I was scared of it, I'm still terrified, but now it's more out of fear of what she can do to those around me. She's growing stronger.

"What do you mean?"

"Her presence is growing, I can feel her starting to grip her evil claws around my control…I don't have much longer."

Taking a brief moment to process everything he was being told he asked her. "What's being done to stop her?"

Tears began to form in her eyes. "A seal is waiting for me. Two nights from now I'll be put in that seal," sobs began to shake her body and mumbled the rest of her words. "I'll, I'll bee, froze frozen for…forever."

While she tried to gain her composure, Squall was just staring at her silently. His expression unreadable.

"I…I…just please understand," were the only words she was able to communicate.

"I understand," he responded in a deadpan voice, standing up he looked down at her with something far worse then hate. His stare carried nothing but apathy-"you never wanted to re-establish whatever the fuck we had. You just wanted to clean your conscious before you left."

Though what he was saying wasn't fair, she couldn't deny that it wasn't true.

"Best of luck Rinoa, I'm sure I'll read about you in the history books."

With that he walked away, she called after him, but Squall didn't turn around. He didn't even flinch. He just left, as she had three years ago.

Selphie was right; the circle of life was a bitch.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Sorry if there was any confusion about the last chapter. But this story still has some tricks up its sleeve. I hope anyone reading this enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. The plot is about to thicken and conclusion is around the corner.

Well till next time.

Always,

Leah


	9. Day Six

CHAPTER IX

Day Six

How could he be feeling such crushing pain? Rinoa had been absent in his life for the last three years. Why should her being sealed be any different?

In the end, however, all arguments were futile. This wasn't Rinoa simply leaving his life, she was leaving everything.

Suddenly the worst stab of guilt pierced Squall's heart. She was leaving everything for everyone. For the sake of the world Rinoa was giving up her life. She was going to complete the grandest act of selflessness the world has ever seen…and what does he do? He turns his back on her like a selfish prick.

Becoming so blind with whatever it was that he was feeling, Squall wasn't able to see what Rinoa was actually doing.

With not a though or hint of hesitation Squall left his quarters. His body was in a bizarre auto-pilot as it traveled to the garage and hopped into the first vehicle that came into view. A force that he had only felt once before put the vehicle into reverse and pulled out of the garage.

Driving well over the speed limit Squall thought back to the time when he last felt same driven sensation.

It was a memory that stood out so vividly in his mind that Squall could still feel its sting. Closing his eyes Squall thought back to that moment when for the first time in his life nothing else mattered. Nothing mattered, except the lone fact that he had to save Rinoa.

Back then something that was so new and strange had drove him to jump out into outer space; it was the same force that sped him down the road that he was now on. It was something that he still didn't understand, but at least now he knew what it was. Love.

Arriving at the orphanage Squall didn't even waste a moment shutting his car door, he just stormed right from his vehicle to the orphanage entrance.

There speaking on a cell phone at the orphanage's doorway was the person that he least expected to see, his father.

Laguna quickly snapped his cell phone shut when he saw Squall approaching.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Squall yelled as he reached the president of Esthar. "Where's Rinoa?"

"Squall"-

"It was you," Squall interrupted furiously. "It was you who sentenced Rinoa's life to a sealed cell, wasn't it?"

"Squall, please"-

"You son-of-a-bitch."

"Squall."-

All Laguna's efforts became useless when Squall punched him square in the face, causing him to fall flat on the floor.

"Shiva, that hurt," Laguna wailed, covering his right eye.

"Nothing that you don't deserved," Squall told his father darkly, rubbing his fist as he did so.

"Squall," Laguna tried again, his tone was so desperate that this time Squall actually listened. "The phone call I was on right before you got here was about Rinoa, she has just destroyed half of Balamb. Ultimicia has already taken her over."

With only a few words Squall's whole life came crashing down. Of all the sorrow and ache that had enveloped his life, at that moment it had all come to a horrible climax; exploding all over inside his pain stricken chest.

Not able to look his father in the eye Squall asked him. "Where is she now?"

"A source told me she took off from Balamb; he thinks she's heading to Esthar."

Shutting his eye's Squall yelled out to the guardians. "GOD DAMMIT!"

Fighting back his own sobs Squall started to storm back to his car, only to be stopped by Laguna who grabbed his shoulder on the way.

"Where are you going?"

"To do whatever I can," Squall answered his father with desperate earnests.

"Squall," Laguna said warily. "I don't know if this is a battle you should fight. It's too personal."

"If we don't fight what's personal Laguna, then what the hell do we fight for?"

Turning back around Squall continued to head for his car when Laguna called after him. "I'm sorry this had to happen Squall. I give anything for things to be different."

Acknowledging what was his father's best apology he had to offer, Squall replied back in a raspy voice. "Me too."

Indicating only the slightest of nods in his father's direction Squall got in his car and drove away.

* * *

It was a power beyond anything of her own. It grasped at Rinoa's very being and didn't let go.

Her thoughts became incoherent as Ultimicia took over Rinoa's body. Nothing that she could form in her head made any sense. There were only whirlwinds of thoughts and memories…and Ultimicia's hideous drawl.

"We are one."

"NO!" Rinoa screamed inside her head.

"You know we are child, you can feel it. I know you do. Together we will accomplish great things."

"All you'll do is destroy."

"I destroy only so we can rebuild, child."

That was when Rinoa got her first glimpse at what she had been doing. Ultimicia loosened her grip on her control, allowing Rinoa to briefly glance at the actions she had unconsciously been creating.

She was in Esthar, or at least its remains. Everything was in rubbles, its beautiful skyway nothing but broken parts in a destroyed street. What was once a breath-taking city was now nothing but flames, debris, and an agonizing whisper of destroyed souls.

In a horrified whisper Rinoa asked the terror that was the cause of the destruction.

"Why?"

"Because Rinoa, this is what we want," Ultimicia answered.

"No, this is not what I want," Rinoa yelled. "I want to live a life beyond this horror, to live peacefully and fully, to be with the one's that I love and care about. To have something more to look forward to then a span of seven days."

In a cold, calculating voice Ultimcia responded. "I'm afraid you want too much."

"God damn you Ultimicia."

"I always knew my job was unpopular," Ultimicia said with a hint of dark humor "But it's not fair to shoot the messenger."

"That's the thing," Rinoa said more to herself then the presence inside of her. "Nothing is ever fair."

"Now you're beginning to get it, child."

Not bothering to respond Rinoa continued to look at the devastation all around her. How she wished that Laguna and the others had sealed her earlier, but they tried to be fair. Fair to her by giving her seven more days to live. Now look what fairness brought them and Squall…they all tried so hard, but something in the end always got the best of them. And for all the power that ran inside of her, there was nothing that Rinoa could do.

"I can feel the wheels turning inside of you, child," Ultimicia began again. "There turning to the answer for everything, there beginning to realize."

"The answer for everything is not destruction, its honesty and kindness."

"Those are all illusions when referring to the human race."

"I'll never believe that Ultimicia," Rinoa cried out fiercely. "The only illusions are the one's that you've built up in your monstrous mind."

"I guess we'll find out the true answers soon, won't we child," Ultimicia retorted knowingly.

"What the hell does that mean!" Rinoa spat, seconds later, however, Rinoa knew exactly what the sorceress had meant.

Standing before her with their weapons drawn was the answer. Quistis, Zell, Selphie, Irvine, each reluctantly prepared to fight her. And leading them all with the valiancy and heroic dare that she loved was Squall.

Their eyes glowed with compassion, but their stance held a different conviction. They were there to stop her.

"Rinoa," Came Squall's unwavering voice. "Can you hear me?"

She screamed yes inside her head, but her lips wouldn't perform the same action. Glaring at her one time comrades helplessly Rinoa prayed that they understand, she prayed that Squall would know that there was nothing that she could do, but most of all she prayed that they had the will to do what must be done. Because Rinoa knew she never would.

"Rinoa," Squall cried out desperately. "I know you might not be able to respond, but I have a feeling that you can hear me…I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. Life's thrown you so many curves, I wish I could take an at-bat for you, but life doesn't rotate like that," She watched as Squall shook his head in frustration. "This isn't coming out right. Rinoa, we've come here to end all of this, to end all the pain, I hope your suffering ends here too. And I guess…" For a moment he paused, he stood there gathering inside of himself what he should say next. It was in that brief moment, when Squall's focus was elsewhere, that Ultimicia attacked.

Feeling her arms raise, Rinoa watched in a state that was beyond any shape of terror that she could possibly fabricated. She stared horrified at her arms as balls of energy formed at her palms. When they were released from her hands it was like she had released a bullet from a gun, and all Rinoa could do was stand there as an empty vassal and gasp.

The first ball hit Squall squarely in the chest, knocking him several yards back. The others missed its target, but nonetheless, managed to scatter the group, separating the powerful whole that they were.

"Foolish mortals," Ultimicia hissed, as she began to hover Rinoa's body in Squall's direction.

His body was lying in the rubble ground limply, his chest was heaving up and down fighting desperately for breath, but the rest of him lied lifelessly, spare his steel blue eyes which were staring up at her intensely. He was searching pass her façade exterior and connecting with the essence of the presence before him. With nothing more then the conviction of their eyes and the yearning of their hearts, Rinoa felt their souls connect as one. One thriving force that not even Ultimicia could have predicted existed, but all the same throbbed strongly.

"Your nothing more then a helpless mortal Leonhart," Ultimicia spoke, her voice was Rinoa's but the tone had an edge that Rinoa did not possess. It was something close to evil. "All the prestige, all the power and you still sacrum to your only weakness. Your silly misconception of love, Mr. Leonhart, will be the end of you."

"Good thing that it's not a concept then," Squall replied breathlessly. Then through the power of their connection, in an inner voice he spoke to Rinoa and Rinoa alone.

"Now."

With a force that came as if from a mere twinkle in the sky, a gust of pure energy shot from the heavens and pierced her controlled body. Feeling a strong jolt Rinoa felt herself being thrown back with an incredible thrust.

She landed back painfully down on the ground, about twenty yards away from where a stunned Squall stood. Trying to move Rinoa found her entire body paralyzed with exhaustion. Simple thoughts suddenly became difficult to process, and her vision started to blur.

In her last efforts to stay away she watched Squall race towards her. Rinoa let the glimmer of hope wash over her as the tranquility of blackness took over.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Hope everyone enjoyed. I have only one chapter left for this tale.

Take it easy,

Leah


	10. Able Answers

Chapter X

Able Answers

He had been here before, he had been right there at this very moment. It was like reliving the same nightmare.

Squall stared down at Rinoa's lifeless body as it lay on top of one of Esthar's research center's sleeping quarters so peacefully. Not threatening anybody, just there, sleeping with a simple tranquility.

The de-ja-vu that he was experiencing was surreal. Rinoa was lying helplessly in front of him and again there was not a damn thing that Squall could do about it.

Bending down to his knees Squall gripped his fingers on her bed's edge. Rinoa was so utterly beautiful; time had only enhanced her elegance. His breath was literally taken away every time he glanced at her.

Sighing softly Squall took a hold of Rinoa's slender hand. It was frozen; it felt like he was holding digits of ice.

"Shiva, Rinoa," he cried harshly, of course there was no reply.

Still holding her hand Squall pressed it against his rapid beating chest. Rinoa's beauty would always hold its place in Squall's memory, but only her thriving personality would hold a place in his heart. The way she would always be honest, her determination, her genuine kindness, even her stubbornness. His heart burned with pain when he thought about those things. He could feel its bitter sting when he pictured her grasping her metal rings nervously or her face warming up when he arrived home after a mission.

"Rinoa, how am…damn it," Squall couldn't even tell her how he was feeling when she was unconscious. He could tell her about everything that was going on around him, but he just couldn't talk about her. Get through the words that he desperately wanted to speak.

Staring at her yearningly Squall heard a knock on the guest room door. Letting go of Rinoa's hand he yelled to the owner of the knock. "Come in."

Slowly the door cracked open, stepping into the room was Quistis, a weak smile was spread across her face. "I do want to interrupt," she apologized, her voice was shaking. "I…I was just given the unfortunate task of telling you the seal was ready."

Squall didn't give Quistis a response, he was sure she wasn't expecting one. All he could do was stare back down at Rinoa gravely.

"Well," Quistis said uncomfortably "I'll leave you alone."

Quistis started to head out the room when Squall found himself calling after her.

"Quistis, wait."

With her feet freezing in place Quistis turned back around, her eyes were staring expectantly at him.

Biting his lip Squall asked her "How can I ever tell her in words what I'm feeling, Quistis? How can anything ever do justice to her?"

"To be honest Squall, when it comes to Rinoa Heartilly nothing is ever going to do her justice, but if I know Rinoa the way that I hope I do, well, I think then she doesn't even need to hear the words. What will matter to her is that you're by her side just like you are now."

"Quistis, I"-

I know," Quistis interrupted, her voice was soaked with sympathy. "But more importantly Rinoa knows. And if I could give you one piece of advice Squall it would be this; just tell her everything you wanted to tell Rinoa the moment you laid eyes on her."

Squall watched his friend wipe her own tears before they fell down any farther from her cheek. After a quick kiss on the top of his head Quistis left the room and Squall turned back to Rinoa.

How do you tell someone that you care for them so deeply about the bottom of your soul? How do you show them what you have not dared showed another living person?"

Taking Quistis' advice Squall decided to start at that first glance he had of her out on the dance floor, after all, that was where it all began.

"I never expected love, Rinoa, I never dared to even think about its implications, but then you came along and changed everything," he laughed sadly to himself. "I think you have a way of doing that."

He watched her, praying for some sign that she could hear what he was saying. When there wasn't one Squall gently placed a hand against her cool cheek and going on a little faith continued to speak.

"I know that sometimes it's too hard for me to find the right words, Rinoa, especially to you, because nothing would ever come out just right. Nothing would ever come close to describing how I feel about you,' Squall rested his shaking chin against his trembling hand, fighting the tears that should have fallen years ago he continued. "I love you Rinoa, I love you more then I ever thought I could possibly feel for someone. For everything Rinoa…I love you." That was it, his words faded into not so quietly sobs. His shoulders shook uncontrollably. Squall stared down at Rinoa's gentle face expecting to see his sleeping beauty…he didn't.

There staring right back up at him was Rinoa, wide awake.

"Rinoa," he gasped.

"I love you too," she whispered sweetly.

Getting up from his knees Squall grasped onto Rinoa, holding onto her so tight and inwardly promising himself to never let go. "I'm so sorry Rinoa," he wept into her ear. "I'm sorry for everything I've done and more so for all the things that I didn't do…I love you."

Pulling apart, only slightly, the two stared at each other. A burning force for something more grandeur then themselves was screaming with an intensity that could only be described as love.

Grasped onto each other's arms the two remained…until the enviable quiet knock echoed into the room.

"It's okay Squall…I know I have to do this." Rinoa spoke so calmly and certain, only he would hear the vulnerability that was hidden in her tone.

"No, you don't," he sobbed.

"Squall, we both know this has to be done."

With her signature smile Rinoa bent forward and gently kissed his forehead. "I love you Squall…for everything."

Despite himself Squall smiled back at her. "For everything," he repeated through his tears.

The events that followed would always hold a place in Squall's heart, but it would also haunt him till his last breath.

Not leaving Rinoa's side Squall walked her to the sealing chamber. The others were waiting to say their own goodbyes. When Rinoa had parted from everyone she stepped up to the seal; where Squall was waiting.

They stood before each other, but this time they did not speak. Everything that should have been said was said. What they were left with was the bleeding hearts of each other. Which in reflection was all they ever really wanted.

After a moment where emotion was all they could cling onto, the two fell into a kiss that held what only could be described as everything.

Parting, Rinoa paused and stared intently into Squall's eyes, almond met steel, and the open doors between them shut for the first time. Kissing him one last time Rinoa turned around and bravely began her journey for the rest of the world.

Not for one second did Squall take his eyes off of Rinoa, not for one second did Squall let their last moments be wasted on closed eyes. He watched as Rinoa Heartilly, for the sanity of the world, become the greatest saving grace it had ever seen. Squall watched Rinoa Heartilly, the greatest human being he would ever know, seal herself from everything.

* * *

_3 Months Later_

The group sat at their reserved table at Booya's. The bar's new star entertainer Vella, had just finished her performance and when everyone at the table was clapping Squall heard a familiar voice whispered into his ear. "Please tell me someone else hasn't replaced me in your fancy, Mr. Leonhart?"

Squall turned around. "Macy!" he exclaimed.

"It's nice to know that I haven't been forgotten," she said to him, giving him a smile that was nothing short of dazzling.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her surprised.

"I have been making my rounds," she answered. "How have you been doing?"

To that Squall wasn't able to reply. The last three months had been a rollercoaster ride of emotions for him. So much had happened, not necessarily around him, but inside of him. Too much for Squall to be able to answer Macy's question.

After he had failed to answer her question Macy gave him a curious look and asked. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Not able to think of a single reason not Squall excused himself from the table and joined Macy outside the bar.

The two of them parted from Balamb's town and made their way to the beach. Neither of them said very much along the way. As they traveled Squall noticed Macy kept glancing over at him, when they reached the coast he had to ask her. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized embarrassingly "It's just, well, you seem different."

"Different?"

"Yeah," she replied giving him a quirky smile. "Your composure…it's different."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know, what do you think?"

Squall thought about that, he thought about the last few months, he thought about the last few days he had with Rinoa.

"A good thing," he finally responded.

Macy smiled genuinely. "I thought so too."

Both now a little more at ease continued to walk along the Balamb coast. They made small talk along the way, both filling each other in on what they had been doing the last few months. Though, Squall did spare some rather significant details.

It wasn't until the end of the beach that the conversation took the more serious tone and continued where they lasted parted all those months ago.

"I won't lie Squall, it's been difficult these last three months, but you want to know something. I actually found what I was looking for."

"Oh yeah," Squall said with solemn curiosity. "And what's that?"

"I've discovered that things weren't made to be easy. At least anything honestly worth it isn't. You have to fight, to struggle for what you actually want."

Then after a simple shrug Macy turned the conversation back onto him. "So did you find what you were looking for, Squall?"

Looking down at Macy Squall couldn't help but smile. After all the pain and misery, after all the time he spent cursing everything around him Squall had come to a realization. He discovered that despite all the painful facades some things are plainly and simply just worth it. It was everything that Macy had said, but there was something more. Something that even though he couldn't describe it, he could feel it dwelling in his heart. And it gave him hope.

Turning to face the ocean Squall let his eyes get lost in its vast splendor.

In a voice that could have easily gotten blended in with the ocean's never ceasing breeze he answered Macy's question.

"I did."

THE END

AUTHORS NOTE:

Well there it is. Tragic. I know and I'm sorry. But I hope it leaves the emotional tones that it left me when I was writing it. Rinoa did a brave and noble thing; I felt that was the best ending I could have given her. Even if it wasn't the happiest; it was the most hopeful. Which was the trying theme of the whole tale. Despite loss, anguish, confusion, pain there is something to be learn from all of that and it's that hope that allows us to apply those little teachings to our future obstacles.

Okay, enough with my philosophical thoughts. What I really want is to take the time and thank everyone out there who gave my story a shot. I truly hope that it was entertaining and enjoyable to read as it was to write.

I want to give a special thank you to specifically: Squinoa Fan, almasy11, Ayato, Moo, Pretty Like Drugs, lady-rinoa, Kye-Kye, Karaoke Risa, Angelprinzess and FloralBlackMoon. Your words of encouragement will always be so greatly appreciated and I thank you.

To all out there I hope that everything is wonderful. Take care of yourselves.

Always,

Leah


End file.
